All Things Go ➳ Sam Wilkinson | Derek Luh

All Things Go - Epilogue

Song : Hablemos by Ariel Camacho

Derek || One Week Later

I was sitting on the couch just staring at the ceiling while Abel was sleeping in the little crib next to me. 

I still can't believe she's really gone.

The funeral was two days ago and that was without a doubt the hardest thing I ever had to sit through; my fiancee's funeral. I just sat in the front row and cried along with everybody else. I attempted to make a speech but I broke down in the middle of it.

Having to see my fiancee laying dead in her casket really fucking got to me on so many levels.

Taking care of Abel alone was way harder than I thought it'd be and I feel as if I'm going insane. It's not the caring for him that's hard, what's hard is that everytime I look at him, I see Alyssa. They look so much alike it's insane.

I never thought that I'd lose Alyssa, especially not this way. Having the love of your life and the mother of your child die in your arms is the worst thing in the world. It felt as if my whole world fell apart.

I'm just hoping that Abel won't remember the image of his mother getting shot.

I heard a knock on the door and I slowly got up to go answer it. Thank God this kid is like me and can sleep through anything.

I opened the door and Swazz stood there with bloodshot eyes. "Hey, man, can I come in?" he asked and I stepped aside to let him inside my house. We walked into the living room and took a seat on the couch. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm not," I answered truthfully. "I'm a complete mess, Swazz. The one and only person that I love - minus Abel - died in my fucking arms. I have to live with the image of holding my fiancee's body while she was dying for the rest of my life."

He let out a little sigh. "I miss her. She was my best friend. She didn't deserve to die and especially not this way. She made mistakes but man, she deserved so much more than this. She will be dearly missed, that's for damn sure. Hopefully she reunited with her cousin and she's looking over us."

"I can't do it," I choked out as my eyes began to water. "I can't raise Abel without her. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, I can't do it. I don't want him to grow up with a shitty ass father like me, Swazz. I can't be a good dad if everytime I look at him I'm reminded of my dead fiancee. It's too much, man."

Swazz looked up at me and shook his head. "Nah, nah, nah! Don't say that shit, Derek. You're a great dad, alright? I know it's hard but don't you dare fucking give up on that kid! Abel is the only thing you have left of Alyssa if you think about it. He was her world, don't you even think about that type shit. Alyssa wouldn't want you to give up on him so don't. I get that it's hard but do it for Alyssa."