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I wake up to nothing but Silas looking at me, my eyes fall to his glass of scotch and red eyes. No, no, no. "Tell me he didn't," I demand while propping myself up on my shoulders. He doesn't reassure me he doesn't say anything.
My eyes fill with tears, my vision does blurry and everything goes quiet. For a moment, the earth stopped spinning air couldn't enter or leave my lungs and the entire world was crashing down right before my eyes.
I close my eyes hoping that ill wake up from this sick dream but I don't, I just feel the tears running down my cheeks, and silence, it's too quiet. "He's not gone, Silas please tell me that he isn't gone."
Katarina walks into the room with a glass of water, "Elora, I'm so sorry." She whispers sitting on the bed by my feet, "he told me- we- he can't be gone, I'm not done falling in love with him," I whimper as tears fall from my eyes.
"You wanna be the queen you have to kill the queen." My mother used to say that and her words ring through my head as I realize that she is the reason I am broken I can't change that, but I can stop her from ever doing it again.
I wipe my tears and sit up on the bed, "I need the location of the place they met," my voice comes out quietly, "Elora," Kataina whispers as she grasps my hand. "No, I need to kill her so someone get me the location please," Silas mutters the address in his drunken gaze, I don't blame him. "Katarina, will you come with me?" I ask as my eyes meet hers, "of course but are you sure you don't want to stay?" "I'm fine, I'm sure." I'm not fine but I am sure.
~~~
I pull into the parking garage which is where Silas's directions lead me, Katarina and a guard follow me as I exit the car. There's one other car, a black S.U.V. My mother exits the car and stands five feet away from me, "Mother." I whisper. "So, how you gonna do it, gun? knife?" She questions, I am more mad than sad.
I used to wish that I had a normal life, but Enzo he was anything but and he owned it, it took time but he owned every part of himself and I will do the same, I have to.
"You call me weak, and fragile, you call me a disappointment but I was just a kid, and you were supposed to be my mother, there was a time before the mafia and the killing there were moments when all you had to do was be my mother, even then you hated me, I want to know why," I demand.
"You crave a mother, the affection, the love, the care, I can't offer that to you, you don't deserve it so again I ask, pick your poison, how are you gonna do it?" "As a person, I accepted who you were long ago but as a mother, I don't understand, how you hate someone that lived inside of you, someone who is your blood."
I take a deep breath trying to hold back my tears before continuing, "Lorenzo taught me a lot of things, and so did his family but if anything its that your blood comes before anyone and anything else, so mother my position is peace, your death will be quick, not for you but for me, because I deserve peace, and I hope you rot in the deepest darkest depths of hell." I hiss before pulling the gun from my side and shooting her in the head.
I let out a sob and drop to my knees as the realization sets in, I have no one anymore. I used to think the worst day of loving someone is the day you lose them, but it's the day you realize you lost yourself and them.
*2 days later*
"We should get going," Silas informs me, I just lay in bed as I have for the last two days. It still smells like him, and so does his sweater that I'm wearing, I had to dig it from the bottom of our closet because he never wore it but it still smelt like him.
I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, I don't want to do anything. "Where?" I ask turning my head to him, "the funeral." "I'm not going." I say, "what do you mean, you have to."
"I can't, I can't breathe or sleep I am just barely alive right now and I cannot Silas so please just get out." "He wouldn't have wanted you to do this Elora," "I just want him back, will going to his- I just want him back," my eyes swell with tears again.
"Has anyone ever sacrificed themselves for you Silas, do you have any idea what that feels like, it's my fault and what kind of wife would I be if I stood there crying about his death when it's on me, how could I celebrate his life when I'm the reason it ended?" I ask looking at him waiting for an answer.
"He couldn't imagine living in a world without you, I know you felt the same about him but its not your fault, he loved you more than words could say," his words should be comforting but the past tense just makes my body stiffen, "please just get out Silas," I say while shaking my head as the tears fall from my eyes, but he doesn't leave.
He climbs into bed with me stroking my hair as I cry, "It's all nothing without him Silas, I told him that on our wedding day I meant it everyday since, I need him." I whisper, because what's life without love?
*Silas's POV*
I know this is tearing her apart. In every one of her sobs she says, 'it should've been me' but I know that Lorenzo wouldn't have let her die no matter what, I can feel it tearing her apart with every broken breath and fallen tear...
