It's been harder these last few years than I thought it would. I never knew how much I loved or really needed Enzo until I didn't have him, we knew each other for the better part of our life, and losing him was unimaginable but I get to see part of him live on in Valentina who is turning five today.
"Uncle Silas, do you like my dress?" Val asks as she runs around in our room with a big blue dress on, "you look beautiful," Katarina says before I can, "I agree, you look like a princess." "Thank you, is Marco still sleeping?" She asks, trying to resist bursting through his door.
"No, go ahead but don't forget to knock," before Katarina can finish Val is through the door. "Do you want to check on Elora or shall I?" Katarina asks, "she's fine," I assure her. "You act like an idiot, it's her only child's birthday, and her husband isn't here to see it, how could she be fine?"
She makes a good point, "I'll go," I give her a quick kiss before making my way to Elora's office which Victor pointed me towards. I gently knock, "come in," she says softly. I slowly open the door, she's just staring at the desk running his finger along the edge.
"This desk is where we agreed to date again, and where I signed our marriage papers, and it's been almost five years, I should get over it but I can't." She says before looking up at me, I sit at the chair across from her, "You don't have to get over it." I spot his journal on the edge of her desk.
"I wrote in this thing for four years and now that it's full of everything about us I have no idea what to do with it, do I burn it or frame it or save it for Ro." She is definitely not fine. "I can take it if you want, I won't read it but until you know I'll keep it."
She gives me a nod of approval before handing it to me, "I was so jealous of you and Katarina when you guys got to be happy because I can see in both of your eyes that it'll last forever but I'm happy for you, I never said that, not at your wedding or when your announced she was pregnant, but I am Silas, really happy for you and her."
"And you are a really great mom, Enzo told me you were doubting yourself but you are an amazing mother, Elora," A smile appears on her face, "thanks, now Valentina and Marco," she says. "What about them?" I ask completely clueless and apparently, it is funny because she begins laughing. "They like each other, like like." She makes it very clear.
"They are cousins, maybe not by blood but they are family." "I know that, I don't think they do, thanks for this Silas, see you downstairs in the bouncy house?" I love seeing her smile again, "Yes you will, they are actually quite fun." "Sure," "Keep mocking me, you'll see." I give her a smile before taking the journal back to my room where Katarina and I lay together.
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I walk into the kitchen after helping to clean Val's birthday party mess, and I see Carina standing in the kitchen. I haven't seen any of his family since he died, only talked over the phone and not to Carina. "Carina, are you okay?" I ask, "Did you care for him?" She asks in English her accent still very heavy.
"More than you know." "I didn't see you mourn him, did you just forget about him?" I wish I could say I was angry at her but at some point I became numb, I didn't recognize myself and I wondered what it all really meant, but I now know that love like that doesn't just go away, it'll never go away.
"I mourned your brother, I mourned my husband and the father of my child, I mourned the man I loved most on this earth, and while raising a child now that is something that I cannot begin to explain to you or anyone else Carina, please do not mistake my strength for lack of love."
"Our last conversation was a fight, I accused him of horrible things, I wish I could take it all back and tell him how much I loved him." She begins crying again, "Carina, would you like to meet her?" I ask, "Really?" "Of course, you would love her and I'm sure your children who love to meet her as well."
"They aren't mine," she says. I became confused, he has no other brothers or sisters so who are they, "we had a sister, she was in the car with Violet when they got hit and both died," she explained, Enzo had told me about Violet but never another sister. "I'm sorry, I never knew." She nods, "We don't like to speak of it, I'm sorry for barging in here and accusing you of not loving him." If only everyone knew how much I actually loved him.
I thought I'd never feel the same again, alive. From the time I was a young girl I never felt, life just never felt right, until I met him. It was like all the pieces of the puzzle fit into place and I was finally alive and when I lost him I thought it was over. I felt like I was drowning and then suddenly, nothing again. I felt nothing and I was afraid that I'd lost myself when he died but now I know that I just lost a piece of myself but I've learned to live without it.
That doesn't mean that I will ever forget him or our story because it was an extraordinary one, it just means I'm learning to breathe again. With each breath, I heal a little more and I think he'd be proud of me.
*Five years later*
"Silas, I think it's time you give me the journal back," I tell him. "Figured out what to do with it?" He questions pulling it out of his desk drawer. "I think so." I smile as he hands it to me. "Thank you," I say before leaving his room, journal in hand just admiring it once more.
I enter Valentina's room, "Hi Angelo." I greet her, she looks up to me with the most beautiful smile. "What's that?" She asks looking at the journal in my hand. "It is a story written by your papa and I." I lay it on her bed. "It's a story about us. I think you're old enough to understand it now."
A/N i was thinking about making a book about Valentina and Marco, what do y'all think???
