Chapter 16
I am not mad. I am pained.
Was my acting is too good that he can't even decipher if I'm already hurting or what?
Can't he trace pain in my voice?
Can't he see pain in my eyes?
Do I need to voice it all out?
I can't do that...
"I've been a bastard to you yet you didn't even get mad. You always understand me. Sa tingin ko... sobra-sobra ka para sa akin Ralae."
Tuluyan ko na siyang tinalikuran matapos niya iyang sabihin. He didn't called me. Hindi niya na ako muling pinigilan.
He wants me to get mad at him but I can't. Mas lumalamang ang sakit sa ilalim ng dibdib ko. Habang tumatagal ay pabigat din ng pabigat ang nararamdaman ko. It's embracing my insides and maybe I can't do anything but to get used to it.
"We've been waiting for you, anak..." salubong sa akin ni Mommy.
I kissed her on the cheek before I walked towards Dad who is sitting on a coach.
"I was with my friends, Mom, Dad."
"It's good to know that you have friends now aside from Nova." he commented.
"Yes, Dad."
"Let's go, the food is waiting..."
Sabay-sabay kaming kumain ng hapunan. I was quiet the whole time. Nag-uusap sila tungkol sa plantasyon at paminsan-minsa'y tinatanong ako tungkol sa eskwela. Nang matapos ay agad akong pumanhik sa aking silid. I waited for them to ascend to their room. I am planning to swim coz I feel like I need to.
I wanted to think while savouring the coldness of the water.
Iyon nga ang ginawa ko nang maramdaman kong tahimik na sa baba. I quietly walked towards the pool area. Sumalubong agad sa akin ang malamig na hangin na hindi ko na inalintana. Dahan-dahan kong inilubog ang aking katawan sa malamig na tubig.
He thinks I'm too much for him...
Ano ba ang ibig niyang sabihin? Does he mean that we can't be together because I'm too much and he can't handle me? Iyon ba 'yon?
Kaya gusto niya akong magalit sa kaniya. Para siguro matapos na ang pagkakaibigan namin. Para hindi na humantong pa roon. To the place that I wanted to reach. Turns out that he was closing the door so I couldn't come in.
I closed my eyes tightly. I am just hurting myself more for thinking this deep.
I shook my negative thoughts away then I submerged in the water.
Lumangoy ako ng lumangoy hanggang sa makaramdam ng pagod. Hindi ako umahon at pinagmasdan ang madilim na kalangitan. There's no visible stars in the night sky.
"It's gonna rain..." bulong ko sa hangin.
Ilang segundo pa ang hinintay ko bago bumuhos ang malakas na ulan. Bawat patak ay mabigat. Ramdam ko iyon sa aking balat. Ngunit mas ramdam ko ang mainit na likidong lumalabas sa aking mga mata.
Even coldness is gradually embracing me, I stayed and just let my warm tears flow with the raindrops. Just for now... I need it out.
Pumikit ako at ilulubog na sanang muli ang buong katawan nang marinig ko ang matinis na sigaw ni Mommy.
"Raquelle! Oh my god!"
"Mommy..."
Pinagmasdan ko ang nagmamadali niyang mga yabag patungo sa akin. She didn't even bother to open the umbrella in her hand. Now she's all wet too. Nabakas ko pa ang bahagyang panginginig ng kaniyang kamay.
