Never be the same. - Vinnie Hacker

in the air

He settled himself into the blue leather chair, one away from mine. My heart beating a dozen to one.

"How are you?" He asked. The tension in the air was sickening.

I just shrugged looking at my lap. He knew that was a stupid question.

"I'm okay." I answered, looking at the clouds selfishly dancing by.

"Don't lie." He turned towards me, probably in the hope I would look at him.

I just laughed to myself at his hypocrisy, he lied to me. He knew he had lied to me, and it still hurt.

"I just want to say sorry." He continued. I closed my eyes at his words, trying to drown him out before I started showing my emotion. Sorry?

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I upset you." He answered, like it was obvious.

"It's nothing." I looked at the seat between us. I don't know why. I wanted to be near him. But I didn't.

I loved him but I hated him. More than anyone in the world right now.

"It's not nothing. And I want to have a mature conversation about it." He said, almost getting annoyed by my behaviour. "Please." He softened his tone.

"Go on then." I replied, "Say what you need to say." I still couldn't look at him. I knew I would cry, my neck felt tight from trying to push back my tears.

"You're putting me on the spot here." He smiled to himself, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

"You were the one that came over." I replied, half as a joke and half being serious. It made him smile though. And god did that make me feel good.

We both smiled to ourselves before I plucked up the courage to talk.

"You hurt me." I finally looked at him. I paused my music, taking out my earphones.

His face straight, unemotional, dropped, as my words seem to hit him like a ton of bricks.

"I know." He dropped his head.

"And you lied to me." I choked up, not being able to say anymore.

His head shot up as he heard it in my voice.

"I couldn't tell you." He spoke with his guilt-stricken expression making me feel terrible. "I knew you wouldn't talk to me."

"I would have if you had just told me as it was." I confessed. "If you had just come clean in the beginning, yeah it would have hurt, but I would have had no choice but to get over it." A tear passed my face.

I felt him try to reach out but he stopped when I spoke again.

"I thought you wanted us to get back to how we were. Instead I just feel like you held me so close to you. I spent every night with you just to be there when you woke up."

"I did." He cut me off quickly. "I do." He corrected himself, "But up until that point, you were pushing me away. I didn't know what you wanted."

"Don't be stupid Vinnie." I rolled my eyes, wiping my tears, as I laughed to myself. "If you were interested in her, you should have just told me."

"I'm not. I never have been. It was one time. I was confused, me and you, we weren't in a good place." He confessed. "And after that I texted her, because... well I don't even know. Everyone was telling me I should, and it got into my head. But I knew what I wanted. I just didn't know how to make you realise that - it wasn't her. It was never her. So-"

"So you lied." I finished his sentence.

"Yeah." His hurt eyes looked into my soul.

"It doesn't justify all of the other things. I saw the picture on your phone. You can't play this down." I reiterated. "You kissed her probably in the same 24 hours as me."