it just doesn't seem fair.
maybe it's my pride-
maybe i'm just selfish.
but why should everything go right in her life,
and nothing go right in mine?
who wants to be 2nd-best to their little sister?
why does she get to do whatever she wants?
why does she get to stay out all hours of the night and I have to be home by 9?
why does she get asked out?
why does she get out of doing her chores?
why does she get to work with her friends?
why does she get money whenever she wants it?
why does she get to wear whatever she wants?
why do my parents have no say over anything she does?
why am i so miserable and she so happy?
is it because I feel so alone?
is it because I work so much
that i can't get together with my friends?
is it because I have so many expenses?
is it because i'm graduating in less than 2 months
and the future is looming like an attack?
why?
nothing in my life is going right.
i need a car.
but to get a car i need money.
to get money i need a car.
i need a life.
but to have a life i need money.
to get money i forfeit my life.
i need an escape.
but my life is school and work
and once i graduate,
work and work and work and work and work
until my bones break
and my mind melts
and my soul gives out-
and i become a empty hollow shell.
is this my future?
what about my dreams?
it's really hard to live in such a rich city
and to not be rich.
pretty much everyone i know
gets everything handed to them on gold platters,
and they never have to worry about a car-
they drive a bmw.
they never have to worry about money-
their parents own half the world.
they're not like me,
laying in bed for nights on end,
worrying and stressing and becoming so depressed
that i just cry into my pillow.
and i'm alone.
that's the worst part.
sometimes i get so down and i lash out so much
that my parents threaten to throw me out of the house.
actually,
that's happened multiple times,
and my worse fear now is that they'll actually do it.
i have nowhere to go.
i have no one to turn to.
right now,
i feel absolutely alone in this world.
i know i have to give up my dreams and aspirations
of being a digital artist,
a writer,
a cook,
a photographer,
a traveler,
a mother,
and a wife
because i will always want for money.
and money's the only thing that will get you anywhere now.
i really hate to say this-
money doesn't buy happiness anymore.
it buys life.
and it f***ing sucks
