It was all I thought I wanted,
just to belong to him.
All I wanted was to be wanted,
needed and loved and cared for,
because too long had I sat benighted,
filled with a loneliness and despair that only I could see.
No,
I didn't want to place all my happiness on one person,
but....
All I wanted was something real,
something to hold onto and fight for.
Is it self-pity to think you deserve a shot at happiness?
Maybe it is,
but the longing is innate and I cannot help it,
just like I cannot suppress the longing that I felt.
No,
I'm not ashamed of what I felt.
I can see now that all I thought I wanted was distorted and twisted,
seen through a curtain of illusion,
because I wanted him so badly that I saw one thing and created everything else in my mind.
Falling in love with him was like a blessing and a curse,
and although it was caused me almost infinite pain,
it's changed me for the better.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?
And that's all I ever wanted--
to be caught in a fire,
but come out not unscathed but stronger.
