maneuvering through

From Him to Her

Momo just ended a call to her mother reminding her departure the next day. It took Momo good five days to accumulate the requirements for her impending transfer of employment and residency before she revealed the news to Shouto. What happened yesterday between them still lived in her mind. Even now, she couldn't get herself motivated or enthusiastic about leaving. All she could think of was the hurt in his face and how she had been the cause.

It seemed like she could no longer trust herself. He had already occupied a huge fraction of her life which made her doubt if she will ever have a day free of his remembrance.

And to leave right after she's told him must have been cruel to easily move on from. She owes him a lifetime of apologies and chances to make it right. That is if he ever wants to see her again. She would just remind him of hurtful memories.

Even the silence of her phone constantly reminded her of what she had been missing. She shook her head.

She should have gotten used to it, knowing their connections were at random, yet, something was achingly different with her phone's silence. She shove all thoughts of him convincing herself it was for the better.

'Yes, the better.'

In the silence of her room, Momo began picking out her casual outfits, folding them neatly in her luggage bags, clearing every nook and cranny of her apartment.

Momo took out her trash and decided to get something to eat at a nearby konbini. Her purchase didn't take long as she didn't have the appetite to eat anything takeout. In truth, she didn't feel like eating anything at all. Sighing in resignation, she retraced her steps that would lead to her apartment while deliberating what to eat for dinner. She wasn't this picky on food but thought it must be because of her anxiety sinking its fangs again.

Traipsing to the front gates of her apartment, her eyes went wide and her mind blanked. There was no mistaking the tall and lean figure looking upwards to her floor, the abundance of pale yellow light descending unto him like a spotlight.

He was in his casual light brown jacket over a dark shirt, a thick crimson scarf around his neck. Light navy jeans and a pale yellow beanie to cover the crown of his famous head.

This shouldn't have been new to her since it happens ever so often especially after long weeks apart because of missions but, this particular night was different. Momo flattened a palm to her chest. She still had them. Those fast-paced throbs every time she suddenly sees his handsome face. And it'll probably take an eternity to vanquish any sort of residual affection she had for him, or maybe never. Just seeing him at her current distance was enough to quell her longing for him.

'She missed him... So bad... he made her rethink her decision...And it only had been hours..'

'Why?... why must he mess with her stride...she was sure... determined... but now...'

He lingered long enough not to take notice of her just a few meters from him until he finally blinked away. He took a step after a distinct, deep sigh, and in one eventual look onward they locked gazes. For what seemed like a day felt like years how she miserably missed those pair of captivating mismatched eyes.

The feeling was mutual. Noticing the way his eyes fixated on her, too wary to blink an eye and find her no longer standing there. He took another careful step forward of abject fear to scare her away. Now that his face was out in the light for her perusal, Momo noted the new patch of plastered gauze at his left temple with a few scratches on his cheeks. Never had she felt bad to take him in her arms and relieve him of whatever emotional trauma his latest mission brought him to kneel.

And for him, she let her guard down.

"Good evening, Todoroki-san..." She greeted him good-naturedly just like any ordinary evening, with a slight quiver around his last name. It's been a while since she called him his last name it felt so foreign. "Have you had dinner?"

Momo wondered if he'd say a word. But if he won't, she'll understand.

His silence was suffocating. She hardly breathes a sigh. She dreaded his response but instead, he slowly made a turn facing the other way, satisfying himself observing her from a side glance, like basking in the full image of her would be much of a task to maintain. His fingers were making uneasy clenches and cracks at the side of his jacket and after a reluctant second of fidgeting, he stuffed them safely into his pockets. She finds his jaw refined and chiseled at this angle, though they seemed tensed like he had been clenching his teeth, he looked so manly she had the greatest urge to turn him her way and do whatever she wanted with his lips.

The freedom she had taken for granted.

'Which was wrong...'He was no longer hers to touch and safeguard. It was she who drew the line to what was a blissful relationship.

Momo observed the visible whiff of thin air as he exhaled, just simply savoring the sight of him while he wash beneath the artificial lights; simultaneously taking her breath away. He looked more gorgeous and desirable now that they'd cut ties. He will always be painfully and gloriously beautiful in her eyes.

"I wanted to see you." He confided, hardly above a whisper, chancing another glimpse of her through the gray of his eye. "Can't stand a day...not seeing you... or hearing your voice," His voice was as gentle as the first ray of sunshine, and something about the way he drops his gaze made her realize she didn't want him to leave. How badly she wanted him to stay. He risked facing her with a resolute yet hurting expression, "I thought I told you that..."

"Todo-"

"It's Shouto for you, Momo, always..."

"You know I can't any longer..."

He took another step closer, leaving just enough space to wander over her face. "If you haven't forgotten Momo, we were friends before we were... lovers."

She felt her heart trapped within a tight fist, squeezing as the words poured decisively out like a good rain. And she wished she could do something about her hands aching to touch him where it hurts, yet decided to wrap it around the other.

"Todo-"

"Shouto..." He reiterated, stubbornly, "At least for the years we've known each other..."

She resigned with a short gasp of air. "Of course...for the years..." The words rolled out with strained uncertainty. She too was scared to retreat into the dismal territory of friendship, and retract from everything they have built, back to where they started.

"I just want you to know... before you leave...that I'll be waiting for you...take many years as you want...I'm not going anywhere..."

"Sho-please..."

"It's my decision to make...please Momo, allow me this..."

His firm assertion shut her off the rest of her words. "I'll have you know... relationship or not I love you... and I will continue to do so..."

His persistence and determination sent her heart afloat despite how far-fetched and impossible the idea be.

"Words are easier said than don-"

"Try me."

His stubbornness was adorable like a child's petty attempt to spite and it made her hold back a smile.

"You just don't give up easily, do you?"

"I'm a hero, tenacity is in my blood..." He retorted without skipping a beat.

"Todo-"

" Shouto."

A boyish smile crossed his face when he caught glimpse of her somewhat withholding a smile and she couldn't help but get infected as well, rolling her eyes at the matter.

She sighed. "Fine."

They lapsed into a moment of silence as none of them was eager to initiate their goodbyes. "When will you... leave...?"

She cleared her throat. The question sent her heart racing, as though she was hoping for it to be asked, that she expects him to do something about the information, "At dawn, tomorrow, 3 in the morning..." She bit her lower lip. She sounded almost too excited.

The lights from the nearby post flickered alarmingly in succession, like buzzing bees, followed by the gust of the howling wind that disturbed and swayed the crown of the trees.

She followed the routes to where the branches swayed, and unwarily in one quick motion, Shouto was holding her close at the waist, another arm drawing her protectively into an embrace. A short gasp of relief escaped his chest at having her this close. The lights stabilized just then, and the two stayed like that for a good second, blinking into the blank void of nothingness.

Momo pulled awkwardly away as he murmured a half-hearted apology and blamed it all on his impulse. However, Momo detected the slight upward curl of his lips.

"I...I must go...Goodbye, Shouto-san..."

The gate swung open with a rustic groan. It was with a heavy heart she refused to look over her shoulders and seek him out for one last time. Already regretting that there'll be no other man that will ever love her unconditionally like Todoroki Shouto ever had.