Poems of Pain and Solitude

Slipping so far

My love,

What happened to your heart?

So frail, so fragile as I've known it;

Now so hard, so careless,

I feel you slipping so far.

My love,

What happened to us?

We were so connected, so beautiful;

Now so careful, so distant,

I feel you sleeping but only so deeply.

We used to sit next to each other at school,

Now in the office you changed seats.

We used to laugh together at how they talked,

But now you're laughing with them,

Whilst talking to me.

We used to pant at our running assignment,

But now you race, so far you slip,

Slipping so far,

I can't even see you when I'm catching my breath behind.

How can you run so quickly?

We used to dress up as the same colours every week,

But now you dress differently,

Purple while I do yellow,

Black when I do white.

Where did the golden amber in our love go?

What am I worth,

Burrowed in my own skin,

While you race ahead of me?

What can I do when you get the treasures I want,

What emotions am I to feel?

In such a bare secrecy,

Forbidden want, anger, jealousy,

Grow like a red rose on silent ground.

Unwanted, ever so unwanted,

What do I do?

Forbidden emotion,

Why do I feel envy

When I should feel pride?

I am proud of you,

But ever so ashamed of myself.

Why do I see what I see?

Why am I not as you?

Why does your pride mean my shame,

Why does your victory sound like my defeat,

Why do your spreading wings sink me to a collapse?

A competition it used to be.

I used to win every time.

A competition it still is.

I can feel you slipping so far.

Secrets are standing like a wall between us.

Come back,

My beloved.

Love might be a fight,

Love is worth fighting for,

But ours is turning to war.