Poems of Pain and Solitude

the smiles i wore like jewels

Dear You,

I was crying for Help, couldn't you see it?

Did you choose to be blind?

Or were you too afraid to admit it?

Did you lose your mind?

Did you even see the pit?

Did you see me cling on to it?

I was trying so hard,

To not show you all the shards.

I was so tired of it all,

Trying not to fall.

I was so confused,

By all the lies that had been used.

I was suffocating day after day,

Watching anxiety paint it all in shades of grey,

Hurting people because I was hurt,

Blood sweat and tears tattooed on white shirts;

While my soul was slit open every night

Helplessly searching for just a flicker of light.

I could never sleep, 

Paranoia feeding the insomnia,

Picking up a pen, writing midnight words

To make me escape this cursed world.

Writhing in claws of expectations, misery, and regret

Everything you'd done for me, I would forget.

I tried to lock it away,

Because sometimes I didn't want to see light of day,

Because one time I looked outside the calling window,

Feeling so low,

My weakest fears, my deepest tears,

Tore a frail heart all apart for years.

I would worry

That I had no identity.

Laughters were never mine;

I told myself I would be fine,

That it would go away with time,

But then, why did I continue to hide?

I never told you anything,

I wanted to save you from those horrible sights

From those horrible nights.

I never showed you anything,

Because I knew what you would say,

To blow the grey away.

I'm grateful you held out your hand,

But you'll never truly understand,

The kind of pain,

The kind of rain,

That you see. Because you might see it,

But you'll never have lived it.