Seventy-Nine: The Closure

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[A few months later.]

I just came out of the bathroom for a quick shower and was getting ready for bed when my phone rang. It was Louie, to my surprise. 

Kunot-noo kong dinampot ang cellphone mula sa aking nightstand at saka umupo sa gilid ng aking bed. My finger hovered over the answer button of my phone. I don't know why but I started to feel anxious. 

Like why would he call me at this hour? It's past 9 in the evening already. At usually, tumatawag lang naman ito para makita si Loulou. He doesn't call me this late since obviously, tulog na si Loulou kapag ganitong oras. 

After we had that talk about 'keeping things as it is' and 'not crossing boundaries', he would just call me (or sometimes Rona) just to see Loulou through a video call.

At saka madaling araw na sa Pinas. Why would he call me this late? 

My anxiety was starting to create scenarios in my head which made my heart work double time. With my slightly trembling thumb, I pressed the answer button. 

It was just a voice call, which is both a relief and a disappointment. I am torn between wanting to see him and not wanting for him to see me. 

"Aera," he said the moment the call connected. His voice sounded surprisingly low and hoarse. Was he crying? "I'm so sorry for calling you this late."

"Are you okay? May nangyari ba?" I started to panic. 

"N-no. W-wala, wala naman. I just… I just want to hear your voice. I hope you don't mind." He was obviously lying. 

"No, you're not. What happened?" I insisted. 

I heard him heave a deep sigh. He hesitated for a short while before he started talking again. 

"I'm so sorry for bothering you, Aera. I know I shouldn't be doing this. I am crossing the line again, ain't I?" He sounded so helpless. 

"C'mon, Louie. Just spill it. What happened? You're driving me crazy." Hindi ko na tinangkang itago ang kabang nararamdaman. 

"W-wala. Wala naman. I guess I was just… a little overwhelmed," anito. 

"No, you don't sound a little overwhelmed. What really happened? Please tell me," I said, almost begging. 

"I just… I j-just got the result for the reinvestigation of James' death…" His voice trailed off. 

Alam kong nag-hire ito ng private investigator para muling imbestigahan ang nangyaring aksidente na siyang naging dahilan sa pagkamatay ni James. 

"And?" I asked when he didn't say anything else. 

"It gives me the same result. Walang foul play na naganap. It was really an accident," his voice trembled. 

"Will you be okay with that now?" I asked, almost in a whisper. 

Ang alam ko kasi, hindi nito tanggap ang resulta ng unang imbestigasyon. Hindi nito matanggap na talagang aksidente lang ang lahat. He wanted to give "justice" to James' death and he was looking for anyone, or anything, to blame. 

"I guess?" he mumbled. It was almost inaudible. 

Katahimikan. Then I heard him heave another deep sigh. 

"Maybe it's time that you forgive yourself for James' death?" ang sabi ko sa mahinang boses. 

Wala akong nakuhang sagot mula dito. But I know that he's still on the line, I could hear his heavy breathing. 

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