Seventy-Seven: Meet Louie's Mini-Me

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Bumukas ang pintuan ng silid ng ospital kung saan ako naroroon at iniluwa nitong papasok si Louie. With fast, long strides, he beelined his way to the bed where I was lying  down at the moment. 

“God, Aera, how are you? I was so worried,” ang agad nitong wika pagkalapit bago ako hinapit ng yakap. 

Nakahiga ako sa bed kaya kailangan nitong yumuko para gawin iyon. And the moment I felt his arms around me, with my nose buried on the crook of his neck, smelling his natural scent mixed with his expensive cologne, I realized just how much I missed him.

“I’m sorry I couldn't be with you,” he whispered against my hair before he planted a quick kiss on top of my head. 

The action caused warmth to suddenly pool inside my stomach. I suddenly feel so vulnerable. I feel so small and so weak. His mere presence was making me feel a lot of things I didn't know I was capable of feeling. 

Umatras ito ng konti para tingnan ako sa mukha. “Are you okay?” His eyes wandered all over my face as if he was looking for the tiniest hint that I am anything but fine. There was concern in his eyes.

I nodded instead of saying anything, not totally trusting my own voice. 

“God, I am really so sorry for making you go through all of that alone,” he said while he carefully ran his knuckles on my cheek while still holding my gaze. 

I had to swallow an imaginary lump in my throat before I tried to speak.

Ganun pa man, medyo nanginginig pa din ang boses ko sa magkahalong emosyon nang tangkain kong magsalita. “What are you doing here? Akala ko ba next week ka pa mababakante?” I said in a shaky voice.

“I had no choice but to cancel a few appointments," anito. "God, I was so worried about you. I hate how the flight here takes almost 14 fuckin' hours."

“You shouldn’t have done that. I mean, cancel your appointments. Nakaraos na din naman ako. A few more days won’t really matter that much,” I said in a more stable voice this time.

“Of course, it does. Plus hindi rin naman ako mapapakali sa Pinas knowing that you have given birth already. I need to be here. I need to see you,” he whispered a few inches away from my face. I can already feel his warm breath against my skin. 

His eyes looked glassy; it was as if he was trying to hold back his tears. And  seeing him in this emotional state brought a sudden surge of overwhelming feelings in my chest. I wanted to hug him tight, bury my face against the warmth of his chest, and pour out emotions I didn't know I was holding inside. 

God, I need him. I need him so much in my life. 

Seeing my baby for the very first time yesterday brought out a lot of unfamiliar emotions in me. I was happy yet scared at the same time. It was overwhelming. 

I wanted to do everything in my power to protect my baby and to give her everything this life could offer. It may sound selfish but I wanted to give her a complete, loving family. 

“Hey, hey! Stop crying.”

Saka ko lang na-realize na tumutulo na pala ang mga luha ko sa mata. Louie immediately wiped it dry with the back of his hand. 

“Stop crying, baby. I’m here.” And he pressed his lips against my forehead. 

Baby. There goes that pet name again. Masisisi n’yo ba ako kung patuloy akong umaasa na magkakabalikan pa kami? Na mabubuo pa ang pinapangarap kong pamilya para sa anak ko? 

I silently cried while Louie hugged me tight and tried to hush me down. 

"I-I'm good now. Ganito lang siguro 'pag first time mom, nagiging emosyonal," I said a little later, pushing myself away from Louie's embrace.

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