Seven Thousand Hours

Chapter 43| Losing it all

"Der, wake up" Meredith gently nudged him. He stirred a little as he opened his eyes to see Callie, Owen and Lexie at the foot of his bed. "Callie's come to check your hand, and Owen's checking on your wounds, and Lexies going to re-dress your head. Okay?" Meredith said quietly as she climbed out the bed and walked to the door. "Wait. Stay" Derek called out as he sat up. Meredith nodded and came to his bedside. She helped Lexie re-dress his scar and held his hand as Owen removed and replaced gauzes all over his body.

"Okay Derek, I want you to move your fingers for me" Callie said as she held his arm. He moved his fingers with ease, smiling to himself. "Good, good. That's great" she reassured him before she pulled out the cast saw and drilled off his cast. Derek looked at his completely disfigured arm which had a long scar running up it. His eyes widened in horror. His hand felt good, he could move his fingers, but it looked absolutely destroyed.

"Okay, can you feel this?" Callie asked as she flicked the side of his wrist. He frowned a little, he could feel it, but there was no sensation to it. "It feels...numb?" Derek said quietly. Callie nodded, giving no indication to what she was thinking. "Okay, this?" She ran a familiar tool over the palm of his hand, waiting for a reflex. He frowned again as he looked to Meredith when his hand didn't react. "Let's try it again" Callie forced a smile as she ran the tool over his hand again. Still no response.

Callie stepped back and scribbled some things on his chart before turning to Lexie and Owen. "Could you give us a minute?" She asked them nicely. "Of course" Owen smiled before turning to Derek. "Your wounds are healing nicely, Shep. You'll feel a lot better if you start walking around and getting some warm blood moving through your muscles. The swelling on your spinal chord has trapped you sciatica nerve, so you might feel numbness in your left leg. Twisting or bending over might relieve it but it's nothing to worry about and should go in a few days." Owen smiled. Derek nodded. "And you're brain is healing well. So long as there's no problems, you'll be able to go home the day after tomorrow" Lexie added before she squeezed his hand reassuringly. He smiled at her before they both left.

Meredith sat up on the bed as Callie pulled up a chair next to the bed. She sighed. "Derek" she looked to him. "When the semi hit you, your hand was the first bit of contact on your body. It shattered your bone in 6 different places which I corrected in surgery however your tests are showing that it has severed some of your afferent nerves in your hand and fingers" Callie explained. "B-but I can move my fingers fine" Derek said as he wiggled his fingers. "I know, I know you can. And that's really good. But your reflexes are absent or extremely delayed, which explains the numbness" Callie said.

Meredith watched Derek closely as his face dropped. "Can it be fixed?" Derek whispered. Callie sighed. "We have two options here" she said as she looked to them both. "I can operate, try a nerve graft. But that would mean I'd have to shorten the nerve and there's no guarantee of success." Callie said sombrely. Derek squeezed Meredith hand tight. "What's the other option?" Meredith asked quietly. "You give it 3 to 5 years, let your nerves reform and pain receptors grow back and hope you gain the function back. It would be a lot of physical therapy and once again, there's no guarantee." Callie explained carefully. Derek let out a frustrated sigh.

"I can still do surgery, right? Because I can still move my fingers" Derek asked frantically. Callie sighed as she grabbed his hand. "Derek, if you were an intern or an early years resident then I'd be saying yes. But you're an advanced surgeon and so much of your skill relies on natural reflex, muscle memory and essentially not having to think about what you're doing because you're that advanced. I don't doubt you can hold a blade, but the chances of you being able to use your fine motor skills without that natural reflex is impossible right now. I couldn't clear you to operate, at least not for 3 years or as long as I felt you didn't have complete control of your hand. Because with this comes tremors, numbness like you're feeling now and also sharp tingling. I'm sorry, Derek, but no, you can't operate for the foreseeable" Callie explained as she looked to Meredith for help.