Seven Thousand Hours

Chapter 44| The smashed cup

A week later Meredith was feeling strong enough to get back into work and operate. Her and Derek had both been catching up with paperwork as they were tied to their hospital beds but now they were both home.

"Hey! You're back" Derek smiled at her as she dropped her bag on the floor. It was 3am and she'd just done a 20 hour shift as exhaustion racked her body. She flopped on the bed before sitting up suddenly. "Derek you smell" Meredith said as she crinkled up her now. "I know what I smell like" he snapped back at her. "Well why don't you shower? You'll feel better for it." She said as she rubbed his arm. "Because I'm tired" he mumbled. "You've been tired all week. Come on, I'll help you" She said as she tried to move him but he pulled away. "I said I'm fine!" He shouted before he jumped up.

"You haven't showered in a week, you're going to have to at some point. Moping around in your own dirt isn't going to get you back into work any quicker" she snapped back at him, tiredness from both work and the miscarriage consuming her body. He'd been attentive and nothing but caring for her all week, helping her through the cramps as she passed the baby, laying with his hand on her stomach for hours on end. He'd really taken care of her, but he'd failed to take care of himself.

Meredith stood up and went to the kitchen to make them both a drink. "I love you, Der. But you need to get this act together or you'll never move past this" Meredith said frustrated. Derek sat up in the bed that had now moulded to his body shape. "You don't get it" he said accusingly. Meredith turned and glared at him. "You think I'm doing this on purpose" he said. She rolled her eyes. "Go see Dr Wyatt again, get back on your pills because clearly you're depressed, Derek!" She said as she placed a mug next to him. Derek got out the bed for the first time in what felt like forever.

"I'm not depressed!" He argued back. "And you're in no position to tell me what I am or aren't feeling!" He shouted at her. "What, like I haven't gone through the exact same thing that you did? Like I wasn't hit by a semi and had to perform burrholes and CPR on the love of my life?! You're right, I have no idea what you're going through!" She snapped sarcastically at him.

"I lost our kid, Derek." She whispered. "And I lost our kid, and my hand, and my whole career!" He shouted. "Then go back on your pills!" She screamed at him. "If those things mean so much to you then you'd do anything to get them back" she continued before breaking down in tears.

"Time out" he said before he came over to her and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry" he whispered as he held her. "You smell" she groaned as she pushed him away. "Okay- okay- I'll shower-" he said as he backed away. Meredith walked back to the bedroom and changed the sheets before Derek closed the sliding door to separate them. She frowned. Usually he just stripped in front of her, they were comfortable like that, but now he was distancing himself. Maybe he was insecure about his scars? Derek was always confident in his body, it didn't seem like a logical explanation, but he wasn't over sharing at the moment and some mornings she was worried about leaving him alone whilst she went to work. It almost felt cruel, like she was dangling a carrot.

Callie had told him he could come back to work whenever he felt ready. That they'd start off easy with his physical therapy and he'd work no more than 8 hours to give him time for his body to heal, but he hadn't shown any interest since the accident, almost as if Dr Shepherd was long forgotten, that Dr Shepherd died in the accident.

She settled down on the bed as she drank her tea and ate some dinner before Derek came back into the room, wearing a hoodie and sweats. That was another thing Meredith noted. He only ever slept shirtless, he always complained he'd get too hot. Derek in a hoodie was a rare sight.