Sincerely, Yours

8. Regrets and explanations

Thoma woke up feeling like absolute shit. He hadn't even opened his eyes yet but he knew by the way his breath smelled and his clothes felt that he hadn't made it back home last night.

But where was he then?

He was still wearing everything he had on yesterday, so he hadn't gone home to sleep with someone. But what did he...?

"Good boy," he very vaguely remembers saying.

"But who the hell did I say that to? Was there a dog?"

Tommy opened his eyes and saw an unfamiliar ceiling. He then sat all the way up and saw an unfamiliar room. On the desk next to where he had slept was a pile of towels, toiletries and spare clothes. He grabbed them and stumbled his way into the bathroom to throw up last nights mistakes and begin to detox himself.

The clothes he was given to borrow were close to what he wore at home by himself and it made him feel comfortable. Though they happened to be a little small.

Thoma walked out of the bathroom having showered. He felt refreshed and was in the process of drying his hair when he came into the room to see Luan changing clothes.

"Oh, good morning Tommy," he grinned and finished getting dressed.

"Luan? He had gone to Luans dorm? But what the... how?? When??" Thoma began looking around the room for his phone.

"Oh sorry I put your phone on the charger," Luan explained. "It was completely dead when I found you last night."

Found me? Oh god.

Thoma turned on his phone and saw a bunch of missed calls and texts from Charlie. He tossed his phone onto the bed and debated his next course of action.

He knew he couldn't just run and do a very out of character walk of shame back to his car, wherever it was. So instead he sat down on the bed he'd slept on and ran his hands through his damp hair.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Hasake." Thoma started by Luan interrupted him.

"Luan."

"Excuse me?" Thoma asked and Luan looked away shyly.

"You called me Luan last night. I don't think you've ever called me by my name before and well, I prefer it. So please, drop the formalities."

Luans truthfulness made Thoma oddly bashful and he nodded before adding, "you can just call me Thoma. I only let Charlie call me Tommy."

"Okay, Thoma," Luan said with a smile and the whole situation made Thoma's heart beat a little faster.

"I wanted to ask you about what happened last night. But seeing the state I was in this morning, I'm not sure I want to hear the answer." Thoma admitted.

Luan simply waved off his worries and told him the gist of everything that happened, omitting any mention of the Ellie woman.

Thoma's head was in his hands. Partially to ease the ache in his brain but mostly to hide his embarrassment.

"Is that everything?" He finally asked and he looks up to see Luan nodding.

Throughout this whole matter, Luan seemed incredibly... calm. Like the director from his play hadn't called him last night and then crashed in his dorm in a drunken stupor. But perhaps he was simply treating the whole ordeal like he would've a fellow college friend.

Thoma stood to leave and was placing his old clothes over his arm when Luan asked, "do you want to get some breakfast before you go back? Just figured you could use a hangover cure."

Thoma didn't know if he felt comfortable going for a meal with someone he barely knew, but a greasy breakfast did sound appealing. Plus he felt he owed Luan a good bit for rescuing him last night.

"Alright, that sounds good. Let's find my car first and we can drive to get breakfast somewhere." Thoma suggested and Luan agreed.

—————-

They drove to a breakfast place that Luan suggested for them. During breakfast Thoma had his fill while Luan kept the conversation going, thought Thoma decided he rather enjoyed Luans rambling.

"So I wasn't going to ask but..." Luan said while Thoma was mid bite, "you mentioned someone named Ellie last night. A lot actually. Is that your girlfriend?"

Thoma let the food sit in his mouth, having forgotten to swallow. He couldn't believe he'd talked about Ellie. So much so that this kid thought it was someone he was still involved with.

He finished his food and wiped his mouth before speaking. He wasn't necessarily comfortable talking about her or his past and not with someone he barely knew. But Thoma also thought, what the hell. He'd already made a fool of himself in front of him.

"Ellie is... my ex-wife." He said and he looked at Luan who had a neutral look on his face. He continued, "we divorced around 6 years ago and well..." he didn't want to bring up her infidelity. He found it somehow embarrassing that he couldn't even keep a woman loving him, though he doubted Luan would understand that.

".... It was tough I guess." He said awkwardly but again he looked to Luan who didn't seem bothered. "My mother told me yesterday that she somehow saw my ex -wife and that she has a baby now. I didn't think I'd care after all these years because I knew she moved on. I mean she moved on when we were still together."

Whoops, didn't mean to share that.

But for some odd reason Thoma couldn't stop himself from spilling out all these disgusting truths and emotions.

"But I do care. Why does she get to move on and start a family when I..." No. Thoma couldn't finish that thought. He felt like a big baby, wallowing in self pity.

Thoma is startled when Luan reaches across the table and pats his hand.

"I'm sorry for what happened to you and for everything you lost in the process. That must've been really hard," Luan said soothingly.

Thoma felt like crying. There was no air of judgment or pity behind Luans words. Nor was there anything that indicated he thought Thoma should get over it. He was simply acknowledging his pain and Thoma never realized how badly he needed it.

"T-Thank you, Luan. For listening and for what you said," Thoma said and his face blushed but he tried to hide it by staring into his food.

Their conversation about Ellie ended with that and the rest of their breakfast continued normally. Thoma covered the bill and they walked back to his car together.

The start of their drive began in silence until Luan asked, "what kind of music do you like?"

Thoma either listened to whatever was on the radio nearly silent or just no music at all. Luan appeared appalled at his answer and Thoma couldn't help but chuckle.

He began to list bands or artists until Thoma recognized one and then they could gush about which particular songs they enjoyed or whether either of them had been to their concert.

The ride ended shorter than expected and Thoma felt strangely disappointed. He waved Luan off and sat in his car for a minute, deciding to connect his phone to the Bluetooth. A song started to softly play and Thoma closed his eyes to really focus on the music.

His mind drifted to Luans excited face as they discussed music and each intense expression stuck in the back of Thoma's mind.

"Good boy," the phrase stuck back in Thoma's head and he vaguely remembers rubbing Luans head. Contrary to how he thought he'd feel Thoma found himself looking at his hand.

I don't remember what his hair felt like.