Sincerely, Yours

45. A change in plans

     Luan felt frozen by his father's words but he wouldn't stand for anyone disrespecting Thoma. Even as he watched his mother look between them and whispering harshly into his father's ear, he knew that this conversation wouldn't end well.

"Dad, I refuse to let you talk to Thoma that way. He is my boyfriend and just because you don't agree with our choices..." Luan started to say but Thoma stood in front of him this time. 

"Thoma, no.." Luan begged but Thoma didn't budge.

"I have no place to step into a family dispute--," Thoma began.

"Glad you're aware," Mattia grumbled. 

"-- Despite that fact, whether or not you still see Luan as your son, he is my lover. And I refuse to let anyone talk to him that way. You can have your own opinions on same sex relationships, but you have no place to disrespect anyone for who they choose to love. Now, if you'll excuse us.." Thoma said and grabbed Luan's hand to leave but Mattia called after them.

"Thoma was it?" Which caused Thoma to pause in his movements. "You know how many boys Luan has been with before you? Don't think that you're special or any kind of exception, just because you're twice his age. You look like a reasonable person, even if you were seduced by this faggot I refuse to believe I raised. It's better to get out while you can, before you get AIDS or worse from his overused..." 

"Enough!" Thoma yelled and Luan flinched. He'd never heard Thoma raise his voice to anyone. "You seem well enough to get around so Luan and I will have nothing more to do with you from this day forward." Thoma seethed and dragged Luan away. 

Luan had so much he wanted to say and he felt sick to his stomach that Thoma had just cut off his relationship to his parents. But the look in Thoma's eyes freaked him out, so he let himself be carried along until they were back in their hotel room. 

They both worked to catch their breath. Thoma was gripping Luan's wrist really hard and Luan softly touched his hand.

"Thoma..you're hurting me," Luan said quietly and Thoma immediately dropped his hand. 

"Oh my god, I-I'm sorry.."Thoma said and moved away from Luan to lean against the wall. 

Luan couldn't move and he let the silence drag on for a long time. Finally Thoma slumped to the floor.

"I.. I don't even know what to say. Lu, what I did.." Thoma said and he hung his head in embarrassment.

What Thoma had just done had been incredibly out of character and was kind of scary. But Luan couldn't be mad at him. Thoma had seen Luan being verbally abused and stepped in to protect him. 

Luan kneeled down and tried to speak calmly to Thoma, "Hey. I won't say that the way you spoke to my dad was okay. But I appreciate you protecting me first and foremost. I'm sorry for what he said to you." 

Thoma sighed heavily. "I realize that you didn't come here for your father, but to help your mother and sisters. Do you think what I said is gonna ruin your relationship with them?" he asked and when he finally looked up, he looked completely defeated.

"No, no, not at all. I'll have to set up a time to talk to my mom separately, but my sisters would probably respect your words. If I contact them and let them know the situation, I can guarantee they will be on our side." Luan said softly, praying that his words comforted Thoma even just a little. 

"Do you think our plans are still on tomorrow?" Thoma asked and Luan couldn't help but smile. "I'll talk to my sisters' tonight and see how things are at home, since evidently my father has been discharged. I suppose we'll have to get you a different bike. But it'll all be okay. Even if they can't join us, we can go do something."

Thoma leaned forward and kissed Luan's lips softly. "Thank you."

Luan helped Thoma stand up from the floor and hugged him tightly. "Since our moment was ruined before, I wanted to say I love you again." Luan said and snuggled into Thoma.

Thoma lifted his head up to him and shook his head, "The moment wasn't ruined, baby. Maybe it didn't last as long as we hoped, but I will never forget how perfect it was. Neither should you." 

"You look at things very 'glass half full' huh?" Luan said, amused and Thoma nodded. "Why wouldn't I? Just because a beautiful moment was interrupted by something I can't control, doesn't mean I can discredit the beautiful moment. That moment didn't become something ugly. The ugly moment just followed."

"Wow, that was motivational as hell," Luan grinned.

"Maybe I should become a podcaster," Thoma said and Luan laughed.

"I'll become your only..I mean first follower," Luan said and Thoma began to tickle him.

"My only follower?" He asked between Luan's laughs. "I have a whole 31 years of life experience to talk about. I can also have a motivational episode where divorced straight men become gay after meeting the right one." Thoma said and finally let Luan go.

Thoma's words truly dawned on Luan and he looked back at him. "You think I'm the 'right' one for you, Thoma?" 

Thoma had sat down on the bed and motioned Luan towards him. "I think, Lu, you're the only one for me." 

Luan blushed and fell into bed with Thoma, cuddling with him. He couldn't help the anxiety that rose in his heart. He'd never had someone make him a priority the way Thoma had, or even had anyone show him how special he was to them. Luan felt anxious about the future and he was becoming unsure of his plans that he'd held for so long. 

"I'm exhausted." Thoma mumbled and Luan nodded in agreement. 

Luan hopped in the shower and when he came out, Thoma was just in his underwear, already completely asleep. 

"Ugh, you big baby." Luan said and covered him with the blanket. Luan lay awake lost in his thoughts. 

Thoma's confession overwhelmed him. It wasn't that he didn't want to say the same back to Thoma, but he was afraid a truth like that would just become an empty promise if anything happened between them. The thought of breaking up with Thoma had never crossed his mind. But he also didn't know if he saw himself marrying him. 

Thoma wasn't even currently doing a job he loved and he might find another one that would make him have to move. Luan had only ever planned to come back to Japan to become a teacher. He wasn't sure how strongly he felt about it anymore, knowing that Thoma would never work in Japan, and Luan was working for a degree that only worked in Japan. 

This thoughts were things that had never occurred to Luan and now he couldn't get them out of his head. But he was sure of one thing. If Thoma was gonna ask him to marry him anytime soon, he'd have to refuse. The thought of that made an emptiness sit inside Luan. 

He looked over to Thoma and a wave of emotions washed over him. 

"We really didn't think this through, huh?" Luan said quietly and kissed Thoma on the head. Before he forgot, he shot a text to his sisters' about the situation and with a sorrowfully deep sigh, he turned around and shut off the light.