Sincerely, Yours

57. The beginning of the end

Thoma looked like he'd been slapped and he wasn't subtle with a glare at Charlie. "What did you say to him?" Thoma asked and Luan answered for Charlie. 

"He just mentioned that you had a key made for me and that you were gonna ask me to live with you. Did you end up giving that to Ellie instead?" Luan regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth but it was too late. The damage was clear as day on Thoma's face. 

"You seriously believe that I would.." Thoma started to argue but he noticed Charlie getting out of his chair and attempting to flee the situation, "Don't you dare fucking leave this apartment. You started this. Go into the spare room if you wanna escape. Or here," he said and handed Lucy to Charlie. "Go into my room."

Charlie listened to Thoma without a word and disappeared into the room. 

"Luan," Thoma said and the way he said it made Luan feel like a child being scolded. He hated how Thoma seemed to look down on him. It made him feel so small. 

"I don't like it when you talk to me like I'm a child." Luan said and crossed his arms.

"Then don't act like one," Thoma spit and immediately waved his hands, as if doing so would clear the air between them. There were so many unwanted words being said between the two of them and all it was doing was making both of them more upset. 

"Fuck, I hate this. I hate that I want to move on from this situation with Ellie but I can't because even though you said you were over it you clearly aren't. I apologized and explained myself. I don't know what else you want me to do.." Thoma said and Luan dismissed his words. 

"This isn't even about that.. when did you decide not to give me the key?" Luan asked and Thoma seemed to have to take a minute to process his question.

"When did I..I don't know what you mean," Thoma said. 

"You were clearly going to ask me to live with you after coming back from Japan. Did you leave the key here and were going to ask me once we were both back? Or were you planning on asking me in Japan? Regardless, when did you change your mind, or I guess... why did you change your mind?" Luan practically whispered the last part.

Thoma rubbed his forehead and moved to sit at the island. "I brought the key with me to Japan. I was going to ask you when we were there."

Luan felt relieved that Thoma hadn't planned on asking him when they got back. It would make him feel that having Ellie around again made Thoma change his mind.

"So.. why didn't you?" Luan asked more pressingly. 

Thoma sighed and seemed to weigh his words which made Luan anxious. 

"I was going to ask you the night after meeting your sisters. You know, when we were walking back to the hotel together. But then your father interrupted us and well... I felt like I had no right to ask to be closer to you when I'd driven a wedge between your parents and you." Thoma explained. 

"Okay.. so then what about when you resolved things with my parents. What stopped you then?" Luan said quietly. He thought he might know the answer but anxiously hoped he was wrong.

"I just...hah.." Thoma said and sighed loudly, "I guess being with you in Japan just reminded me that you'll end up back there and.. I won't be. I felt like us dating now already felt so fragile and uncertain that I didn't want to make it even more confusing. So I didn't ask."

"So then what the fuck are we doing?" Luan asked, so quiet he wasn't sure if Thoma had actually heard him.

"What do you mean? We already talked about continuing to date and just love each other until we figure out what the future holds for us.."