Sincerely, Yours

58. I can explain

Thoma felt a wave of emotion wash over him as he saw Luan waiting for him. The most prevalent one however was the need to comfort him.

Thoma tossed down the other celebratory gifts he'd gotten and ran to hug Luan. 

"You're crushing the flowers..." Luan said but Thoma shushed him. "I don't care." 

Luan hugged him back but Thoma just as quickly released him from his grasp and held him at arms length. 

"Now that I've comforted you, I'm gonna need you to explain yourself. I'm really upset with you right now," Thoma said and crossed his arms. 

Luan nodded and offered the flowers he'd gotten to Thoma who took them and smelled them. He turned towards the kitchen and begin to searched the cabinets for a vase.

"I.. uh..." Luan started and began to pull at the bottom of his suit. He felt uncomfortable in it but he'd wanted to look as nice as possible to come support Thoma but everything got messed up. 

"I'm sorry," Luan said and Thoma turned back to him after putting the flowers in a vase. "For what?" Thoma said and leaned back against the counter. His attitude reminded Luan of when he first met him. 

"F-for not texting you these last couple days... and f-for not coming to your play until tonight..." Luan explained and Thoma's eyes widened.

"You came to watch the play tonight? I had a seat for you... why didn't you sit with me?!" Thoma asked and his voice sounded mad but Luan knew it was justified. 

"I was going to, I swear! But when I got there, you were talking with someone and then by the time you were done the lights were going down, so I just sat in the back," Luan defended himself and Thoma nodded. 

"Okay.. then why didn't you come to the first two plays? Or just text me to tell me you weren't coming?" Thoma demanded and Luan felt like a kid being scolded. 

"As soon as I started going back to class I was swamped with homework and midterms to catch up on, I didn't have time! Every day I was studying, barely even having time to eat and by the time I was done, I fell fast asleep. I'm sorry, you're right I should've said something to you but I genuinely had no idea what to tell you so I just said nothing. And tonight.. I wanted to surprise you but I didn't consider your feelings and I'm sorry.." Luan finally said, out of breathe now. 

Thoma sighed, "That's fine then. My feelings are still wounded but I'll get over it." He admitted and began to pour himself a drink, "So what did you decide then?" 

"Decide?" Luan asked and the answer came to him just as Thoma answered him. "About us being together?"

"Oh.." Luan said and sat down on the couch. Thoma offered to make him a drink but he shook his head. It was Sunday and he'd have classes tomorrow. 

Luan waited for Thoma to sit down before taking a deep breath. "I want to tell you what I decided but I don't want or need my word to be the end all be all. I want to be able to talk about this seriously because it could hurt us both in the end," Luan said and Thoma was even more anxious about Luan was going to decide. 

"We're going to break up in the end," Luan said and looked at his hands and Thoma stirred his drink, "But until then, I want to keep dating you.. and.. and ... I want to live with you and spend every minute I'm able to with you. I love you and just because we aren't going to be each others future doesn't mean we can't love each other for every moment right now..." Luan says and Thoma had set his drink down and grabbed his face, kissing him.

Thoma separated from Luan and looked at his face, wiping away a tear Luan hadn't even realized had slipped from his eyes. "Okay, we're gonna break up," Thoma said and kissed Luan's lips softly again, "But we won't talk about it till the day you're moving to Japan, promise? There are no outs in this relationship. You don't get to leave when we fight, we have to talk things through. Okay?"