Sincerely, Yours

52. The storm

Luan and Thoma's schedule never quite seemed to match up. While Thoma had been able to text that he made it safely back home and keep Luan updated on how things were with the play, there was never a good time to talk more than that. The time difference was simply too much and so Luan just let it go after a few days of attempted communication. He was heading back this weekend anyways, so a few days without talking would be okay. 

Finally there was a night Luan was able to make it out of the restuarant early. He had finished his tasks early and had even finished his assignments before coming into work so that they'd be able to talk for as long as Thoma was able. Thoma would be either at the theatre or at home by this time so Luan threw off his apron and waved goodbye to his parents behind the counter before hurrying outside to call Thoma. 

His anticipation filled him completely as each ring sounded through his ear and finally at the final one he hung up. 

Thoma was probably just away from his phone. So Luan called again but this time it went straight to voicemail. That could only mean that Thoma had turned off his phone or his phone had died. 

Would Thoma let his phone die in the middle of his day? But he surely wouldn't have purposely missed Luan's first call and then turned off his phone to not get his second. No, Thoma would have stepped aside from whatever he was doing to answer Luan's call. He was sure there was a reasonable explanation. 

Luan opted to call Charlie. He felt stupid having to bother Charlie for something like this but his need to talk with his boyfriend was far more important than his pride. 

Charlie answered after the second ring. 

"Hey Luan, how's it going?" Charlie answered and Luan couldn't help but smile. Charlie was always so upbeat and ready to talk to Luan. He really appreciated it. 

"Umm.. hey I'm really sorry to bother you. But are you around Thoma right now? We haven't been able to talk on the phone for a while and I figured he was either at home or at the theatre but he's not answering his phone. In fact, I think he turned it off?" 

"Oh.. no he's not at the theatre as far as I know. Last I heard from him was yesterday morning but he just gave me some vague answer about meeting Ellie. I assume he already talked to you about it?" Charlie said and Luan felt an ugly pang of jealousy.  

"Oh.. uh no he hasn't said anything to me really.. about anything." Luan stammered and Charlie sighed. 

"Well, don't jump to conclusions or anything. He's probably just finalizing some divorce papers or something. He probably didn't bring it up because it would worry you and there's absolutely no reason for you to feel any type of way about Ellie and him meeting." Charlie said to try and ease Luan's anxiety. 

"Yeah, I know you're probably right I just.." Luan started to whine but it sounded like Charlie was talking to someone on his end. 

"...can't you come and show me..?" Luan heard someone else say and Charlie chuckled. "You're so helpless without me huh?" He said and Luan felt oddly invasive listening to Charlie talk like that to someone. 

Must be his girlfriend.

"I'll be there in a sec, just hold on.." Charlie said and then he brought the phone back to his ear. "Hey, sorry Luan. But yeah, like I said just talk to Thoma directly before any misunderstandings arise. I don't want to cut you off but I gotta go, I have something I need to take care of," Charlie said and Luan could hear the urgency in his voice. 

"Oh, yeah sorry for calling. Thanks, Charlie. Bye." Luan said and hung up.

As much as Charlie advised him to just talk to Thoma directly, Luan was already spiraling. He felt equal parts disappointed that Thoma hadn't set aside time to talk to him and worried about what meeting Ellie meant. Charlie wasn't even sure that was what was happening but Luan's anxious mind had decided that it was in fact exactly what was happening. 

Wait, did Thoma decline my call because he was talking with Ellie? What were they talking about? Does she know about me? Does she want Thoma back? Any reasonable person would. He's hot, he's kind, he's patient, forgiving and hardworking and great at sex and... Fuck, I need to stop.

Luan had made it back to his parents house by this point but he loathed the thought of going inside and trying to go to sleep. He opted to send Thoma a text to at least open the door to a discussion about what was actually happening. 

Hey Thoma, just wanted to check in with you since we haven't talked in a while. Let me know whens a good time to call. I miss your voice and face and body. Also I love you. 

Luan felt a bit better after sending his text and made himself some tea to calm his nerves. 

-----

One hour, two hours, all the way till morning, Luan had been drifting in and out of sleep, checking his phone to see if Thoma had even read his text. He hadn't. 

The sinking feeling was back and Luan felt sick, though if it was from not eating last night and not sleeping or simply jealousy and anxiety, he couldn't tell. 

When Luan had slumped his way down the stairs for breakfast, his mom couldn't help but come to Luan's side after seeing his haggard face.

"Oh, my dear Lu, what's the matter. You look terrible." She sympathized and Luan leaned into her hands that were cupping his face.

"Just sick is all. Couldn't sleep." He answered vaguely. She didn't look like she believed him but she also wasn't going to press the issue. 

"Let me make you something light. I'm sure your stomach is upset." She said and began to busy herself in the kitchen. 

Luan dared to look at his phone again and he jolted to make sure his sleep deprived mind wasn't seeing things. His mom jumped and he apologized before seeing that Thoma had in fact finally read his text. 

"Oh thank god," he sighed and felt better. 

He ate his breakfast with a newfound fervor and went to take a shower. Once out, he was drying his hair and instantly checked his phone to see Thoma's reply. 

Only there wasn't one. He went to their texts to see if perhaps Thoma was typing. Even went and dragged the conversation up to see if perhaps he'd missed it somehow. The familiar pit sprang right back into his stomach and Luan just sat on the bed, staring at his phone as if doing so would make his boyfriend reply to him. 

He felt a mixture of sad, anxious and confused. But those feelings quickly were turning to anger. He began to feel pissed that he was sitting here like a fucking idiot, worrying about his boyfriend when Thoma couldn't even ease his mind with a simple fucking text. 

He knew he was being unfair, which was also fueling his anger. Thoma had never once wronged Luan. He was always bending over backwards to make sure Luan was comfortable and happy and taken care of. Perhaps that's why Luan felt so extremely betrayed now. Thoma had always been the perfect boyfriend. That consistency had made Luan become spoiled and now he was left sitting here with knowing that all these accusations he was making against Thoma were completely unwarranted, but his anxiety couldn't make him feel any other way. 

What if Thoma hadn't wanted to be as good as he had been to him? What if he was tired of having a childish boyfriend who was always whining and crying and leaning on him? What if what he wanted and felt like he was missing was the ex wife that he'd first fallen in love with. She had a baby too, something Luan could never give him. Thoma had never expressed that he wanted one, but Luan was digging a hole now, and his self pity was running rampant. 

Luan hadn't been planning to return to America until the weekend, but he couldn't stand being here anymore. He searched online and find a flight that was leaving tomorrow night. One way or another he was going to confront Thoma. Though he'd hoped they could just talk on the phone and get the messy conversation over with, Luan decided that fighting in person would be the better option. That way neither of them could say there was some miscommunication or use external factors to get out of talking. 

God, I need to see him and find out the truth. I don't care what it is anymore. Luan thought as he went downstairs to let his family know his change of plans. I don't....care.