WE ARE ALL GUILTY : Maybe Even You Are?

30) I still can love you

Answers. I need them. And I know he has them so what am I even waiting for?! Why am I scared? Is it because I'm too afraid to know his plans with me? Cause I know one thing for sure that the last thing I'd want his lips to mutter is that none of this was real. That all of it was only for his mom. That there was no love, and I was mistaken. I was mistaken for taking all of the support and signals for what it wasn't. That I had been a fool.

So with my heart filled with fear of breaking and my mind in a hasty search for the million possible answers, I drove to him. My hands were shaking as I stopped in front of his house. I got out and went to his door. My heart was racing, my breathing was fast and shaky. Might be due to the weather. Not outside me, inside me infact. I rang his bell and almost ran away before he could open but he imerged in front of me. He was coming back from his garage.
"I saw your car. What do you need?", he shot the words coldly. This is not the Ace I remember
"To apologize. Thing is um....my dad told me. What happened. But-"
"-you have questions. Sure you do.", he continued. We went inside together, not into his bedroom. He kept me out in the living room. He kept me at a distance.
"Speak",he commanded
"Why did she suicide? Why did THEY suicide?", I whispered slowly.
"My mom due to your dad. Lilie due to me", he shot right at me. His words without any emotion.
"I'll expect more than that"
"I expected more from you too. Things don't always turn out like we want them to"
"I-I'm sorry", I sobbed. He was going away and showing me the way to leave. But I can't. I need this, I need the truth. And now that he has left my side, I need him. So I requested,"Ace, I promise you I'll go away. But you need to tell me. Tell me why?"
"That's the problem with you Rhyss! You want to leave, when I want you to stay! I want to give your dad the shit he deserves, but I can't! I want you to hate me, but you fell in love! I want to hate you, but I fell in love! I-I want...to hurt you. But, I. I just can't". He brokedown in front of me. His hands covering his face as he knelt down on the ground. His voice shakey as he progressed his statements. Things really don't turn out the way we want them to, just like his didn't
"Then tell me. Tell me the truth, sell me your story and let me love you anyway. Just don't sell me the lies. Like everyone else". I sat down beside him on the ground.

Flashback-Ace
Time never had any power over me. Because it is supposed to heal me. But the emptiness is present even today, and I can't f***ing forget what I've lost. The memories are still there like wounds on my body. And everytime I remember them, it's like rubbing salt on the wounds.

I won't lie, I don't remember the date. But something of March in 2018. My mom was home. We were just about to leave for the market so that I have everything before she leaves again tomorrow. So it was sunday as you can guess. She was just putting on her coat when the bell rang. I opened it. There was the guy. Tall, in formal for what reason ever, blonde and with a hurried look on his face. My mom came to the door when she heard the man, ask if she was home. It was Luke. Luke fricking Rojas

And he said just one thing after seeing my mom, "Open twitter. It's  William". Then he strided away in his car. I could not understand what had happened till I saw a tear roll down from my mom's eyes. I could understand, it was bad. Really bad. My mom cried all day. And I tried so hard to make her stop but I couldn't.

She just told me to go away. She didnt want anybody too see her breakdown as badly as she did. She locked herself in but I could hear her wailing once in a while. Because of all the things they did. All the names they called her. All the hate she got was just astonishing.

She got death threats. Brutal ones. And those never made her feel safe anymore. She couldn't step out in the world cause she never knew who was waiting with a knife or a bat to bash her down. She was manipulated in every job interview she went for. Cause apparently, no one would trust her.

And everytime she saw a workplace friend, they'd shout across the place "Who is next?","You're such a cheat","Die". It got pretty famous. Even in my school, a few people would look at her and whisper things that slowly tore her down till the very end. And it wasn't long before she couldn't cope with it anymore.

Believe me when I say that she tried. She really did. But at the end, she failed. She gave in. She suicided. I woke up next morning to find it out. She was there, In the kitchen. I had woke up at 3 in the morning due to the thirst after gulping down 3 cookies. And I went to take a glass of water to satisfy it.

All that got satisfied was the pain. All the blood that her nerves had spill out........it made my whole vision red. It wasn't a happy ending. So how could I let your dad's be? How could I let my mom's killer get away with it all? Cause he left her to die. And all I wanted was revenge. All I wanted were answers too. Which I never got. So I satisfied the hunger with grudge. And the grudge with revenge.

Continuation
"So I did everything your dad did to my mom. I did it on Lilie. I wanted to with you. But like I said, I can't. The plan was to destroy his whole family cause he had ruined mine! My mom was the only family I had. He made her go away. So I made his daughter. I took the picture, naked. I leaked it. I told her how and all the stages and things that happened with my mom. And that actually was enough for her to kill herself. So...I know I am hard to love. A-And I'd understand if you can't. Just don't misunderstand me. I-I did not do it cause wanted to..... I had to....... For her",he completed
"You make me feel guilty". He looked at me in confusion. "I should be handing you over to the police". But it's my guilty pleasure.
"But I......I still can love you. I love you"