All Over You

Friends Lose Lovers

Today is the first day I have begun feeling a little more human since my world fell apart at my feet. My mind is still wholly consumed with Liam and how confused his actions make me, but I have become accustomed to blocking those feelings out. Most of the time, I still feel as if I am drowning without him - but I am all too aware that I have to adjust to life without him at some point. The nights are still the worst and dreaming of him lying next to me with his hand cupping my cheek is the only thing that gets me through it. Even so, I've given up on trying to figure out why Liam did what he did. I have realised that it will only drive me crazy and there's no point when we are well past the point of saving. Hayley isn't even living in England anymore from what I've heard. She's long gone. It's over. 

I managed to make an effort this morning, desperately trying to convince myself that Liam isn't the only thing in this world that I have to impress. I can impress myself too. The attempt fails and I practically give up on my makeup halfway through. Still, I manage to run a brush through my hair and throw on a jumper dress which is more than I have done lately. I decide on opting for style over comfort for the first time in a month, even now when the air outside has turned cold and bitter.

I walk past Liam's office, feeling the usual overwhelming pull to find something to talk about with him just as an excuse to see him again. Missing him is all consuming. I fight the urge, feeling prettier and more confident than I have since we broke up. I even kid myself that I might be able to show him what he's missing, but then I am bumped back down to the reality that he won't care. He didn't have the long nights or the tearful showers or the food-less lunches. I head into my office, almost having a heart attack at the sight that meets me. 

This world really loves to test me. Just when I thought the days were getting easier...

Geoff is back at his desk, hunched over the computer and refusing to meet my eye.

"Geoff! Lovely to have you back!" I chime, as upbeat as I can muster through the panic that builds in my chest. I have no idea how he is going to react to me, so plastering on a forced smile is the best I can do. 

He smiles back at me, but the energy is off and the hairs on my arms stand up at the realisation that something isn't right here. Keira isn't in yet, so I throw my things down on my desk and chuck my coat over the back of my chair, debating whether to address the situation or not. I finally decide to say something, but don't want to bother Keira when she gets back.

"Geoff, can we talk?" I ask, scooting sheepishly over to his desk.

"Yeah." He nods, looking up at me.

The look on his face takes my breath away, his eyes are dark with grey circles and his stubble has become rough and grey. He seems like he has aged ten years since I last saw him and its all Liam's fault. My urge to see Liam fades at the realisation that he did this. He caused all this pain for both of us and barely suffered at all. He faced no consequences of his actions. It's the victims like Geoff and I who always have to pick up the pieces in the end. 

"Not here, let me buy you a coffee." I mumble, avoiding eye contact as I slip out the door.

Thankfully he follows, but refuses to say a word to me at all until we are sitting around a table with a couple of coffees in-between us. The tables are cold and metal, with every movement I make the uncomfortable chairs screech against the floor in a manner which makes my teeth clench. The sun has barely risen which adds an aura of darkness around the room. My heart is on edge. Seeing Geoff this way has cut deeper than I had thought it would. I underestimated how awful seeing one of your best friends suffer would have been. I barely recognise the man sitting in front of me. 

"Are you okay?" I ask him, clinging on to the warm cup with anticipation.

"No." Geoff sighs, staring down at his lap.