All Over You

Confetti In Disguise

The few days after Christmas seem to last forever but also whizz past at the same time. I spend most of it on the sofa, watching trash telly while consuming all of the Christmas chocolates and drinking all of the Christmas wine. I consider getting involved in the boxing day sales, but decide it is too much hassle and lay motionless in the living room instead. After I made that decision, I barely get up again unless it is to go to the bathroom or the bedroom to sleep. I feel so empty and the feeling doesn't fade. I expected it to get easier with time, but whoever claimed that time was a healer is lying. I haven't healed one bit. I can only hope Liam is doing the oposite. 

Keira sent me home with so much leftover food that I manage to survive on it until New Year's Eve. I miss Liam more and more every day but as the hours tick past the less I believe that he will come back. Maybe he hasn't gone away to work on himself. Maybe he's out right now with other girls from his past partying. Maybe they're in his bed. Maybe he's left to forget me completely. I break my own rules by attempting to text him and call him multiple times but nothing delivers and something tells me he has gone for good. Resentment grows and every time I think of his name, frustration floods through my veins. How dare he leave me like this? How dare he abandon me after everything I've done and still let me pine after him like a dumped animal. I fear that I will go through all the stages of grief like he's died. He basically has. 

Denial was when I told myself he'll come back as this changed person and finally be all mine. The anger phase is beginning now that I can barely think of him without balling my hands into fists. I know it will be bargaining next, where I'll no doubt start begging the universe to feel any way which is better than this. 

I don't bother moving until New Year's Eve when I have to get ready for the Studios' annual end of year party. I back and forth between turning up at all, but I know Keira would be upset if I wasn't there. We used to make such a big deal out of these parties. I don't know what changed - other than Liam ruining my life. I decide that if I blame everything bad that's ever happened on him then I may be less likely to pine after him. I can't let it continue.

It doesn't work. I run a curler through my hair as I dial Liam's number again. There's something wrong and I can tell. Yet all I feel is the rejection that burns the back of my throat so much I want to scream at him. I consider leaving another voicemail when this call doesn't go through either but throw the phone down on my dresser instead. He isn't worth my time. Nothing I do for him is ever good enough and it seems I am the only one trying. I shimmy into a black satin dress that clings to my hips. I had saved it for this night as I thought Liam would love the way the top part looks like a corset. It's a shame he isn't here to see it. 

I sit in the Uber, thinking about how difficult it would be to explain to him how in love with him I am but how tough it is to connect right now. I can't help but feeling that all of this is my fault and if we never even glanced in each other's direction, he'd still have his job. I couldn't possibly tell him that I wish things could be as simple as they were before he cheated. Part of me thinks the reason he left was because I remind him too much of what he could've had. Maybe I pushed him away with my need to be with him officially. I can't decipher any of it, too much has happened. 

When did it all get so complicated?

I plaster a smile on my face as I arrive at the venue. It is beautiful. The venue is called "The Railway" as it is positioned directly next to a train station. Shivers run down my spine as I enter but I dismiss it as December chills. Something still seems... off. I shake myself and blame the nerves of being here sober. I need a drink, fast. 

The unease disappears when Scott greets me, answering my prayers with a glass of champagne.

"Happy new year, Tiffany" He grins.