All Over You

Draining Me Too

The next morning, I don't dare myself to creep downstairs in case the sight of an empty sofa meets me. I don't want to face that. It sends chills down my spine just considering where he is, or rather who he's with. He doesn't want to sleep in my bed but I'm sure he would happily sleep with someone from the local bar. Then again, that's how we got into this situation in the first place. I couldn't accept him for who he really is - a complete man whore. 

Instead, I cover myself in makeup and spend ages trying to curl my hair in the way he used to like. I wish everything could go back to the way it was this summer and I endeavour to bring back that magic somehow. This is going to be near impossible when Liam will no doubt waste his time on my sofa instead of strutting around the halls at work. I have barely even stopped to consider my feelings in all this. I jumped straight into protector mode to stick by Liam. Not having him in work changes things, it was where we met. Sure, he's staying here when he feels like it but it isn't the same. Things will never be the same again and I've failed to address that it cuts deep. I haven't even had time to admit it to myself yet. 

I throw on a tight dress that he once told me he loved before ripping it off me. The memories roll off my skin as I stand before the mirror staring at a girl who once had it all before it was cruelly torn away from her. I miss the way he used to look at me. Hell, I even miss the way I used to look at me. This whole mess is taking it's toll on me and I can only pray we get through it. 

I sigh at the thought that I am doing all of this for us, when Liam wasn't even here the last time I checked. What if he doesn't come back? It will all have been for nothing and he wouldn't ever want me again.

I take the stairs agonisingly step by step, my legs shaking as I finally force myself to deal with the possibility that Liam did't come back. My mind races as all the outcomes fill my head. What will I do if he isn't here? Do I stay home from work in case he needs me? As I reach the bottom of the staircase, soft snores bounce off the hallway walls and the relief I feel is so strong it almost brings me to my knees.

I bound into the living room and smile at the sight. Liam curled up on my sofa, still in his suit from the tribunal, all creased with his hair slightly dishevelled. Even so, he looks so peaceful and at rest. I decide against waking him up, as he evidently needs the time to sleep the alcohol out of his system. I make a mental reminder to text him when I get to work instead.

I rush out the door, knowing I am slightly late for work and we have an important meeting. This should've stressed me out but instead, I feel so calm. We are far from out of the woods yet, but he came back. There is so much hope in the fact that he came back. He always does and part of me hopes he always will. I long for him to always find this level of solace in me. 

I finally make it into work with minutes to spare after driving slightly above the speed limit again. I get there in time for the meeting and hurry into the board room. It is already so filled that I can't take my usual seat next to Keira, so I stand at the back instead. Keira does catch my eye and glances at me, looking concerned.

"You okay?" She mouthes.

"Yes!" I mouth back, with more conviction than I feel inside.

She cocks an eyebrow as if to question me, but I flash a convincing smile back at her and she seems to lay off.

The meeting rushes by and I discreetly type a text to Liam to explain that I am at work. I also remind him of his doctors appointment in the afternoon that I hope he still goes to. It could really help him and in turn help us. The meeting draws to a close and people start gathering their belongings to leave the room.

"Before you go, I know some of you are aware that Liam has left us after seven years of work for the company." Lisa announces.

My heart pounds, It caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting them to reveal it so soon. The room fills with confused and astounded chatter. People glance around the room and I hate to admit that a lot of eyes fall on me. I shuffle nervously and direct my head towards the door, planning my exit route. I feel a pang of pain in my chest as I realise that it is official now. There is no going back. He is gone for good. We no longer work together and the highlight of my days has been diminished.