What We Are

We Suffer

I remembered lying in the car, the smell of metal, the texture of Lindsey's bare hand gripping me- but not much else.
As I opened my eyes I saw a face eclipse my vision. "Steph, baby?" I blinked and it came into focus. "Lindsey?"
"It's me." What seemed like a doctor and midwife appeared behind him. "Ms Nicks you have a beautiful baby girl." I looked down at my flatter stomach, and saw a huge stitch across my abdomen. My head spun and Lindsey held me up. "W...Wh..."
"They were stillborn. Two baby boys Steph." Lindsey's face crumpled and his voice cracked as I sobbed into his chest. "Where's our daughter?" I said, turning to the doctor who looked almost as forlorn as Lindsey, even though he must've dealt with situations like this a thousand times.
Later I remember him telling us that
"It never gets easier," even when you've been a doctor for 30 years like him. "She's being monitored, but she seems perfectly healthy I assure you, just small." I felt relief wash over me, but my chest was still panged with grief. "Can I...Can we?..." I started.
"Can we see our boys?" Lindsey finished for me.
"Of course, it's normal for mothers and fathers to want to say goodbye to children they've lost. One moment."