What We Are

Drowning

After chatting to my mom on the phone and sorting Lena for her bedtime, it was around 8:30 and Lindsey had been gone for almost three hours. I figured I'd call him if he wasn't back by 10. I poured myself a single glass of red wine for the first time in months, and mulled over the day in my head. I finished the glass as I scribbled in my journal, placing it back in a drawer as I went to run a bath. Just as I climbed into the hot, bubbly water, I heard the familiar crunching of gravel through the open window- Lindsey must be home. He didn't call for me as he came upstairs, but came into the bathroom after a few minutes. "Oh you're bathing," he looked strangely awkward and turned to walk away. "Lindsey when have you ever cared about my privacy." I said shooting him a flirtatious look before he could take this sentence as anything more than a joke. He came to lean his arms across the edge of the tub, his chin propped on the backs of his hands. I leant forward to kiss him and he reciprocated immediately, stroking my neck. Then, my short-term need for him banished, I said quietly, "Where were you?"
"I told you I was j-"
"You left without saying goodbye to me and you did not tell me what or let me guess- who you were doing," I felt my eyes widen and I even felt surprised at what I'd just said- never mind Lindsey. He didn't say a word, he merely walked out of the room, failing to close the door behind him. A cool draft hit me and I submerged myself in the water entirely, gasping for air as I pulled myself up seconds later. While drying my hair and changing into my bed-wear I held back tears. He hadn't denied the suspicions I'd broadcasted- not good. On the other hand I was aware that the Lindsey I knew would be enraged by accusations of infidelity from me, and I felt conflicted. To my relief, he was in our bed when I sleepily crept into the darkened bedroom. He was shirtless and the outline of his face and body was highlighted by the dim light from the starry sky outside. His eyes were shut but I knew he probably wasn't asleep so quickly. I climbed under the duvet, shielding myself from the unusual chill. "Lindsey," I said in a whisper, lying inches from his ear. "It was for you ok. You." It took me a moment to realise he was answering the question that had caused him to leave me in the bathroom. "Oh," I felt small. "What's wrong with you? Why did you give me the cold shoulder earlier? You know I'd never cheat on you!" He had sat up now, crossed legged and facing me.
"Then why were you hiding something from me on the phone earlier?" I said weakly.
"I can't believe this..." He ran his hands through his curls, "I was talking to Chris!"
"Chris? Whi-"
"Christine. We wanted to surprise you with something." My stomach sunk and my heart trembled. "Oh Lindsey," I grabbed him and kissed his shoulder. "How could you even think I would lie to you like that Stevie?" He looked down at me. "I'm sorry, I feel like a crazy bitch. I'm just so tired and unattractive at the moment."
"You may be tired Stevie but you will never be unattractive. Also, if you're so tired maybe we should sleep." I kissed him goodnight and we fell back onto the pillows, sleep washing over us soon after.