What We Are

Better than Before

It's March 13th today- our daughter's first birthday. I woke early to find Stevie wide awake and staring at our ceiling. "Morning baby, do you not want a little more sleep? It's not like you to be awake at this time." I turn to kiss her cheek and she smiles faintly at me- but it's enough. We are growing close again since our first few therapy sessions. She is now fully aware of the coercion I'd undergone from that despicable woman, and I am relived that she is forgiving me. What's not so easy for her however, is moving on from the fourth child we have lost together, just weeks ago. "I'm thinking about the boys." She swallows, "Do you think about them Linds?" Her beautiful voice cracks and I want to take her into my arms like a child herself.
"Everyday sweetheart...Everyday." I do.
My heart is convulsing with anguish at our misfortune, and love for her. "We've got to focus on the positives today angel," she nods and I move to hold her against my chest, never tiring of fondling her silky locks, I place light kisses there. She shudders and sits up to face me, her arms finding my waist. "Babe I-" I hear a cry from the baby monitor and she pecks my lips, then runs to sooth Lena. I follow her moments later.
"Looks like my girls are ready for breakfast," I swoop in, resting my chin on Stevie's shoulder, blinking as Lena pokes my nose. "Dada!" She sqeauls.
"Happy birthday Lena!" She giggles as Stevie puts her down on the floor.
"Think you can walk down the hallway with me honey?" She asks, stroking Lena's cheek. We marvel as she toddles between us for a few metres until she crawls along the rest of the carpet to the safety gate at the top of the stairs. I scoop her up and hold her with extreme caution as we circle the spiral staircase to reach the kitchen.

There's snacks and a birthday cake in the fridge, but nothing extreme. Despite Stevie's love of parties herself, she suggested that a small gathering to celebrate Lena's special day would be just perfect, and naturally I agreed. By eleven Will had been dropped off; and by midday him and Lena were having the time of their lives receiving attention from Christine, John, Mick, Karen, Lori, Chris, Barbara, and Sharon.

It's past seven before the last guests leave, and Stevie is reading Will a bedtime story as I check all the doors are locked, and I subsequently scurry around the house preparing a surprise for her. "Lin- Oh" Stevie blushes as she enters our transformed bedroom. The only light sources are the scented candles on the dresser and windowsill, and an extremely dim, antique lamp. Two glasses and a bottle of wine sit on her nightstand. I pick up my guitar and play her my latest instrumental as she edges towards me, eyes wide. I breath in dramatically as I pick the last string and she takes my face into her hands, tears streaming down her face. "Oh Lindsey that was beautiful."
"Like you...Want to name this one too?" I waggle my eyebrows, harking back to 'Stephanie'. "What about 'Mrs. Buckingham'?" She whispers huskily, rolling her thumbs over my hips as I place my guitar down. God I want her.
"Like Mrs. Robinson? I do love an older lady." She pushes me playfully though I let myself fall onto the bed, pulling her with me by the hand. She hisses in through her teeth in pain. "Shit Steph I'm sorry I..."
"It's ok I'm fine," we both straighten up, though I move to stroke her stomach and back as she leans into me.
"Steph I love you so much you know?"
"I love you too angel." She looks up to me with her vulnerable eyes and I can't resist kissing her pouty, pink lips. She allows me to gradually deepen things, and I gently lower her body onto the cushions by the small of her back, hovering to smile over her. "May I?" My fingers stroke the buttons of her cardigan. She nods nervously. I am delighted to find her in just a bra underneath, though she looks teary again as my eyes linger over her scarred stomach. "No Stevie," I kiss her soft abdomen over and over again, "You are perfect to me." My jeans are painful against my boxers now so I have to ask her if I should remove them. "Yes Lindsey, I need you. I missed you so much."

We reach a closeness even beyond that we've managed before, and she cries as I eventually release inside of her.