What We Are

The Night

December 29th 2001

I slid the silky red balm over my lips and pouted at myself in the mirror. I was wearing a new purple chiffon dress that hugged me in all the right places, and I was pretty satisfied with how I looked for this stupid party. The door creaked open and Lindsey slid in to wrap around my waist. "You look hot!" He exclaimed.
"So do you!" I said spinning around to fix his crumpled collar, my hands finding their way to his lower chest. He automatically leant forward to kiss me but I placed a finger to him. "Red lipstick doesn't suit you angel."
"I don't give a fuck," he pressed his body against me and attacked my tongue with his. I moaned, subsequently pulling off a little. "Silly boy."
"Sexy girl." I grinned and reached around to find the packet of wipes we kept by the sink.

A few minutes later I was going over and over Lena's routine with Christine, as I held her in my arms, feeling worried. It wasn't that I didn't trust Chris, it was just the first night I'd had to be away from my daughter in her life. "Stevie, I can tell you're nervous but we'll be fine. You and Lindsey go and have a wild night out!" Chris said enthusiastically as I passed her Lena. "We'll try!" I said taking Lindsey's hand. "Just uh...Keep the noise down when you get in hey." She smirked mischievously.
"Chris!'
"Just saying." Me and Lindsey both kissed Lena goodbye, thanked Chris, entered our car to the club.
"Oh god. I'm not sure about this Linds," I fussed. He stroked my back.
"It's gonna be fun I promise."
"I can't believe I agreed to this now! I can't watch you get hard for younger, skinnier women all night!"
"Baby," he whispered huskily. "It's you I'm hard for." He nipped my ear.
"Lindsey, I..." I felt myself flush red and become flustered by his statement. Before my brain had time to string together and verbalise the rest of my response, my mind's eye blurred as I felt him suck the sensitive skin of my neckline. Looking down at his trousers, even in the ebbing light of the car, it was obvious that he was ready for me so soon. "Linds baby?"
"Hmm," he grunted looking up, massaging my thighs. I was distracted by how adorable he looked waiting for me to speak, his blue eyes below me like an expectant child, his lips parted slightly. "Oh I love you." He grinned.
"I love you too my angel." I used the back of my hand to stroke his cheek. "Is that right?" I kissed his temples.
"It-"
"Sir, Madam, we have arrived," the driver announced through the small window into the two front seats. Lindsey kept me in his grasp as we thanked the driver and climbed out onto the sidewalk. His arm remained on the back of my neck, his free hand squeezing mine as we entered the VIP suite. I was taken aback slightly, having not been in such a crazy situation for many a year. The presence of alcohol on every table, ledge, and waiter's tray; the blaring music; the disregard for physical modesty- all reminders of my drug-fuelled days. Lindsey nodded at Tom and a few other guys, some I recognised, some I didn't. Keeping to his promise that this night would be about us having fun, he eagerly guided me to a small leather couch where he pulled me to lean against him. "This is chaos!" He laughed over the music and I agreed, a rush of adrenalin shooting through me like an old friend. "I'll get us drinks baby," I did, calling over a waiter. Within moments we were on our first martinis.

Later, Lindsey placed his second drink on the table as he went to find the bathroom. I spent a few moments watching the young women on stage. I had never been the type to get jealous of other women, but it did painfully cross my mind that these girls must weigh much less than me nowadays. Luckily, I got friendly with the partner of one of the men who recognised me and we chatted about the hilarity of the party. So friendly in fact, that I didn't notice the other woman that passed us as we spoke.
***
We were both kind of pissed now. Lindsey's hands were all over me as we kissed sloppily. "I want you home," he said as he pulled my open legs closer around his waist. "Let me just touch up," I said straightening up. "And we can get going." He clung to my hand so tightly that I had to pry my fingers from his. "I'll be back in a minute baby," I pressed a kiss to his cheek.
"Ok. Please." I flashed him a smirk and he returned me with one of his own. I tried not to look too full of myself as I clunked to the ladies in my platform heels. I loved Lindsey. I also loved being needed.