Teenage Fever // Jude Bellingham

17

Tuesday, 16th of March

"Well have you told him yet?" Emma whispered as she noted something down on her iPad, careful not to be heard by our English teacher.

"No...?" I replied unsure; I knew I should've told him about the intercourse I had shared with my ex boyfriend not too long ago, but I didn't want to upset him back then.

Maybe I was simply not ready to talk about him, too. But Jude deserved to know because I trusted him.

Emma released a sigh, a few people sitting in front of us turning around with a confused look but she simply waved them off.

"You do know that if you want what you two have to work, you have to communicate properly with him, right?" She stated accusingly; I knew she only meant good but she could be a little harsh sometimes.

"I'm not fucking stupid, Ems." I hissed, "I'm just scared that he'll see or treat me differently after I tell him... or maybe even that he would completely ghost me." I said, voice growing quieter with each word.

Emma finally looked up at me, her eyes suddenly soft again as she tilted her head and reached out to tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"He'd be stupid to do that. It'd be embarrassing to let someone like you go for something that insignificant." She spoke quietly but sincerely, giving me a reassuring smile.

Emma was the only one who knew everything; the whole story behind my past relationship. Not even my parents knew, they still think I broke up with him because I hadn't been in love with him anymore.

Which had been a lie back then, because god, was I in love with him. He was my first love, my first real boyfriend. I had a few things going on with other boys after that, but it had never been anything compared to what I had felt for him.

That's why the heartbreak was so much worse than anything I had ever experienced in my to that time sixteen years of living.

I had never been able to connect that deeply with anyone else after that. He left some pretty bad scars too, but that is for another time to tell.

"He'd also be catching some fists otherwise." She added with a smirk, making me chuckle.

"Emma, Tiana, if this is so uninteresting to you you might as well leave." My teacher suddenly spoke, making me fall silent immediately as Emma tried to hold back her laugh.

Our teacher rolled her eyes before returning to scribbling something on the blackboard, that poor woman was probably so fed up with us. English class was basically us gossiping for ninety minutes.

(the following segment of this chapter might be triggering for some, since it contains mentions of emotional and physical abuse)

Friday, 19th of March

"That one has to be my favorite." I commented with a smile, motioning with my pointer finger for him to do a 360.

I was once again sitting on Jude's couch, letting him show me some stuff he had bought. He had just put on the last piece, another hoodie to add to his collection that probably consisted of like fifty pieces by now. Although he mentioned that he didn't own this one in that color way yet. It was a simple navy blue one from Stüssy, but whatever.

Not that I was complaining though, they were quite comfortable.

"Might have to steal that one." I shrugged with a grin, making him sigh dramatically.

He raised the piece of clothing back over his head, the shirt he was wearing underneath bunching up just enough to grant me a view of his abs.