Teenage Fever // Jude Bellingham

55

My eyes met his again, and i quickly turned off my phone and pushed it between where my thighs met from crossing one leg over the other.

"T—" he tried again, but i shut him up by widening my eyes at him warningly before flickering them at Jude next to me; signaling him to be quiet.

"Don't worry about it." I breathed in a whisper, before straightening in my seat when the stadiums headlights were dimmed; the players of both teams starting to walk out onto the pitch.

The dim lighting and the soundscape of the music echoing through the huge space luckily hindered him from trying to talk to me again, and i slightly relaxed.

I was still anxious out of my mind, but i'd manage to shut it out for now. I wanted to be here. I wanted to enjoy this.

Bree and her stupid lies couldn't keep me from that.

The teams lined up, and the upbeat music died down to be replaced with each teams national anthem. My eyes glanced at the block of screens hanging from the roof in the middle of the stadium, finding a distraction in looking at the close ups of the players.

Minutes later the game was kicked off, a smile spreading on my face as soon as the familiar chants filled my ears.

Bursting through the bathroom door, i hurried over to the first sink i could reach to grab its sides to support my trembling body.

My uneven, shaky breath echoed through the empty space and my right hand reached up to clench my chest right over my way too fast beating heart.

Raising my head to look in the mirror, i came face to face with me — but pale and almost feeble looking.

My skin had sweat coating it, and the eye bags that i had managed to conceal so perfectly earlier today suddenly seemed a hundred times more prominent.

Every breath seemed to be like i had to earn it first, my chest feeling as if it was being crushed by something.

I slowly let go of my chest with a shaky exhale to bring my trembling hand up to my face where my fingers tucked a stray strand of my hair behind my ear.

My eyes flickered back and forth between each other in the mirror; i knew what this was.

I had a full blown panic attack in the middle of a random bathroom in this huge ass stadium.

I wasn't even sure if i had taken the right door when i had practically sprinted my way into here, my teary eyes making it hard to read.

Deep, slow, controlled breaths. One after the other.

I closed my eyes as i tried to recover, knowing that in less than ten minutes this bathroom would be crowded with people hurrying to use it during half time.

I didn't even know how this happened, or when it started. I was enjoying the game, and suddenly this... uneasy, overwhelming feeling settled in the pit of my stomach.

I wasn't unknown to panic attacks, but i hadn't had one in a while. Not in a year to be exact. They stopped when i met Jude.

Remind me not to shove my worries and anxiety causing problems into the back of my head again. It was clearly a short lived method.

I hastily dug around in my purse for a moment, cursing to myself before eventually finding what i had been looking for.

I braught the device to my ear, the dull beeping sound almost wanting to make me loose it all over again before Jude's voice finally got transmitter through the speaker.

"Baby, you're alright?" The confusion and worry was apparent in his voice, probably because i had been 'grabbing a drink' for ten minutes now.

"No." I said firmly, the shakiness still apparent in my voice as i leaned my head back to stop tears from rolling down my cheeks — the last thing i needed was to ruin my makeup and having to walk around looking like i just came from a funeral.

"What's wrong? Where are you?" I heard the background noise get quieter, he was moving.

"I don't know... some bathroom?" I tried to hold back a sniffle, but somehow ended up choking on my words. "I— uh, kinda need you."

"Send me your location, yeah? I'll be there in a second." His calming voice said assuringly, and i nodded — although he couldn't see it, so the line stayed quiet.

I managed to send him my location, and i made out a distant 'okay' from his end of the line before i hung up and sunk down onto the floor next to the sink, the back of my head meeting the cold wall in hopes that it'd freeze the thousand thoughts running through my mind right now.

My tightly shut eyes didn't even bother to open when i heard the door open and footsteps make their way over to me.

double update bc why not... also i hope this isn't too pussy or boring

anyways, time to talk! started my last school year, and i think it's an understatement to say i'm freaked out. also miss being on vacation bc it's been deadass raining for two weeks straight.... 
but i went to see the weeknd in munich recently and it was the best experience ever i swear

feel free to share some stuff cause i've been bored