Teenage Fever // Jude Bellingham

57

I blankly stared back at him, mouth slightly agape in shock of what my subconscious had tried to convince me of; i was acting like the me i had sworn to leave behind when he left me behind.

I was more than over Alex but apparently he — or much more how he had treated me — still had an impact on my panic responses.

I had no reason to believe that Jude would be mad at me for something i had no control of whatsoever. But i remember that i had believed it evetytime when i was with him.

Jude was still watching me, his eyes tracing my face as if trying to understand my trail of thoughts by reading my expression.

"I didn't mean to..." i breathed apologetically, my head sinking to avoid having to look at him.

"Hey." He gently raised my chin with his one hand, forcing me to look at him, "i know. I'm not mad at you, i'm just worried."

My eyes frantically flickered between his, as if i still had to convince myself that he meant what he said. I know he did, but it was a subconscious defense mechanism, i guess. I knew better now.

Although his face was so close to mine, his features still appeared blurred to me from my teary eyes.

The hand that had previously raised my chin was now holding me by my mascara stained left cheek, thumb stroking the skin there.

I kept my focus sorely on him; a weak smile spreading on my face when i felt the familiar sense of comfort and safety fill me again, along with the warmth radiating of him that i had been craving after having sat in the cold for so long.

"You're cold." He stated before getting up from the floor before bending down again, his arms going under mine to rest his hands on my waist. "Let's get you up."

I hummed in approval, holding onto his shoulders as he helped me get back onto my feet. I was still a little wobbly, but he luckily never left my side, which resulted into me side hugging him to steady and warm myself.

He felt so warm to me, like no person ever did. Was that common?

We got to the door, and i shivered at the breeze coming from the hall when he pushed it open. His hold around me tightened, and i practically buried my face into his chest. I didn't want to be seen.

"I didn't bring a hoodie, but we'll just buy one, yeah?" Jude suggested, "it won't be as cold as you are right now, but it'll do." He added with a small laugh, seemingly finding himself hilarious.

I wanted to laugh at his attempt to lift up my mood, but dropped it when i set eyes on Gio the moment we stepped out of the bathroom.

He was standing with his back to the door, but turned at the noise of the door opening.

People were already crowding the hallway, yet no one had entered the bathroom we had sat in. How long was i in there? I didn't even hear the obnoxiously loud noise of the piled chattering and partly yelling of the crowd around us until now.

Gio looked at Jude, and then hesitantly at me; eyes filled with sorrow, i think. I wasn't so sure anymore.

I wasn't sure about anything with him anymore. What was right and what was wrong. The lines were blurring together. I was worrying about things i would've never questioned, worrying about how it could look like to people watching.

So i looked away. It hurt to, but the last thing i needed were more stories.

They exchanged a few words that i didn't catch because i had been spacing out again. People were luckily just passing us since my misery wss shielded by Jude's body on one side, and Gio's on the other.

However, anyone could see me like this anytime. Pictures could be taken. I needed to get away.

As if on cue, i felt Jude gently guide me by my back to start walking again. I kept my eyes on my feet the whole time, counting my steps to occupy my mind with something. And soon — four hundred twenty one steps later to be exact — i found myself back in the car we had came in.

"Here," Jude handed me a black oversized blazer, "it's from Sophia." he explained when he noticed my questioning stare, as he leant over me to buckle my seatbelt up and pressing a quick kiss on my forehead before closing the door to walk over to the other side of the rental car.

From Sophia? Soph? I felt the smooth material of the blazer between my fingers. When did she even give him this? Did we go back? Or did we bump into her? Did i really blend everything out?

"You alright?" Jude's gentle voice stopped my mind from wandering, as his warm hand came over the middle console to rest on my knee. His eyes were pointed onto the street ahead.

"Yeah." I nodded, hoping he'd see in his peripheral vision as i grabbed his hand to intertwine his fingers with mine, squeezing them. "Thank you."

I attentively watched his side profile, his long lashes and his sculpted jaw creating a beautiful contrast in his features.

He still looked worried, and i hater that it was because of me. I much rather preferred his usual careless self.

Regardless though, he was my favorite thing to look at. Not even the city lights that were speeding past my window, creating a colorful blur, could convince me otherwise.

His brown eyes found mine for a brief moment, and he released a sigh before the hand that held mine brought the back of my hand up to his lips to press a kiss onto it.

"I love you." He mumbled against my skin, before bringing our hands back down again. "I don't think i ever won't."

alr so this should be it w the emo stuff, let's see what else i got in store