Haikyuu - Second Best Choice (Iwaizumi x Female Reader)

Chapter Twenty-Three - Direct And Impulsive

Y/N's POV

In biology, I learned that when one organism benefits from another one while it harms it, it's called a parasite. Maybe at some point, I did think of our relationship as that but now I'm sure Yuji wasn't a parasite and I was no host.

Both of us hurt each other, not always purposely though. I knew my silence damned Yuji in some way. I could have done more to put at ease the hurt in his eyes he never spoke about. It's not like I never heard him cry in the restroom from the room next door. I regret never doing anything about it, but at the time, I genuinely thought he would seek help when he needed it.

Fool.

He needed someone like what Iwaizumi is to me. He makes me really question the shit in my life.

Like right now.

Why did I put up with his for so long?

Because I was- am - scared of living my life with no one but the shadow that is bound to me. I've never been good with being on my own because when I am, my head gets the best of me. Dark thoughts filled with darker stories. Even when I'm in my room, tucked in bed, I hate every second of it. The silence of the four walls chokes me as it lets the voices in my head become louder than the world.

If I was strong enough, maybe I would have released both of us from that competition a long time ago.

When Iwaizumi notices the question has made me upset, he apologizes, "Sorry, too soon."

No, not soon enough.

I look down at my hands. Fingers fidgeting. Lately, I've developed that nervous tick. Especially when I'm too nervous to even form a coherent sentence. There are so many words that I want to spit out at the same time, but somehow, none of them come out because they'll make me feel more stupid than I already do.

My eyes land on the stitches.

Was this the wake-up call I had been waiting for?

This time it certainly felt different that the past breakdowns. Maybe because this time, there was no weed, no pills to calm down my nerves. There was no calm before a storm, just a storm with loud lightning and winds to tare everything down.

Damn you, Yuji.

"I'm leaving him," The words are sour on my lips after no thought at all, they come out.

They are simple yet they describe everything I'm feeling. I'm tired.

I've never said that out loud, much less thought about actually doing it, but at the moment they seem like the sane thing to do, not only for my sake but for his too.

I don't think I'll miss him. He could make me feel so miserable at times. Sometimes worthless, like I wasn't enough for him to love. No, not to love me, just loved right. I only missed Yuji when I was alone and needed comfort and warmth. Only when I needed reassurance, didn't have to be his, but he was always there and that's what I loved. I've forgotten how to be alone, how to love myself. Maybe he isn't the villain in this story because I used him as much as he used me. However, I never harmed him as much as he did to me. I never made him feel so tiny and worthless, I loved him in a very twisted way. Because I cared about whatever the fuck we had going on.

Iwaizumi stands up from his seat across for me. I feel the dark-cold shadow over me, and the fastest thought flashes through my head, don't leave.

Slowly, I gain the courage to look up at him.

He takes a seat next to me and grabs my hand, stopping them from fidgeting. His presence alone is warm.

"I'm glad you're looking after yourself," He says and looks me dead in the eye, "I think you should go back home."