Haikyuu - Second Best Choice (Iwaizumi x Female Reader)

Chapter Nineteen - The Little Things

Narrator's POV

She hates that Yuji doesn't notice how fast she's slipping from his grasp.

Part of her wishes he would notice how they don't spend as much time together- not even to get high -they don't text and they don't touch each other, at least, not like they used to. There's another part of her that wishes he wouldn't notice, not because it would clear the path between Iwaizumu and her, but because she would hate it more if he noticed but didn't do anything.

He can look at her with all the love his broken heart can give- it's genuine -but it's not enough. She craves his attention more than anything. Because let's be honest, the only thing Yuji has going fot himself is the company he gives her, not his manners and much less his loyalty.

She truly hates how clueless Yuji is . Even right now as he sits on the other end of the bed with only his underwear on and a blunt between his fingers, one can tell there is not one worry on that man's brain.

Maybe it's because of the look on her face- disappointment, to be more specific -that something turns on in his head.

He pulls the cigarette away from his lips, and even though his eyes were already on her, they focus on her eyes and not her face.

"Something wrong, bae?"

"No," She lies because if Yuji is not willing to make an effort then neither is she.

Prideful.

"Something is wrong," He turns his cigarette off and shifts around the bed until he sits in front of her then pulls her by the legs closer to him, "What is it?"

"I said nothing wrong," She lies again.

Guilt.

Guilt because she had cursed the shit out of him in her head just for him to prove her wrong. He cares.

Yuji cares about whatever the fuck they have going on. He cares more than what he shows... really. If one was to see things from his point of view, he wouldn't be the villain in her story. Because Yuji cares about whatever the fuck they have going on, not for the right reasons, though, that's what makes him clueless.

"Come ooon, spit it out," He grabs her hands and gives them a light squeeze.

"Well, I was thinking..." She tries to concentrate as he brings my hands up to his lips and kisses them. It's the little things. "It's just, we haven't been spending as much time together."

He noticed.

He missed her company despite seeing her every day at his house, despite them sleeping next to each. He feels just as lonely as she does. But Yuji would never let her look at him like she let Iwaizumi look at her. Broken.

Sometimes he wishes he could just spit everything at her, every dark feeling in his heart. To cry on her shoulder and let her see the ugly side of him. To forget the blond boy with the playful smirk and instead see how his lost eyes look with tears. It scares him how comfortable she makes him feel and even confuses it with weakness, and for every step forward he takes with her, he takes two backward out of reflex.

The difference between cracks is hers come from bonds and his from lack of.

Commitment just isn't in Yuji's vocabulary. That doesn't mean he won't try because he cares about whatever the fuck they have going on. He fucking loves her without her knowing. Maybe without him knowing. And it's that love that has him fucked up because he has forgotten what it is and instead of recognizing it as love, he thinks of it as a threat. He won't feel that fear until later on though, so he speaks from the heart.

"Oh, you could have just said that," He laughs, "You know you can tell me anything and we'll work it out."

That was genuine.

"How about a date? We haven't been on one since..." He thinks, "Wow... since we began dating...? Tomorrow when we get back from Tokyo, I'll pick you up from school, how about that?"

That will make her happy, and making her happy will make Yuji happy.

"Really?" She raises an eyebrow at him, a little skeptical not going to lie.

It's true they never went on dates, he never really asked her to be his girlfriend either, they just sort of became closer and at some point inseparable. And without noticing they started calling each other ours , started holding hands in public, and sort of losing themselves within the other person. They don't have an anniversary despite having been with each other for more than a year, but he does give her flowers, he does introduce her as his girlfriend to his friends, and he does randomly kiss her forehead.

It's the little things.

Fuck yeah, it's the little things.

The little things that built their relationship and can tare it down.

And it's her cracks attributed to the bonds she has been holding tight to the point the rope has cut all blood circulation from her fingers, it's his cracks attributed to wanting to tie and untie the rope at the same time that he accidentally lets go of that will finally put an end to their toxic cycle. It's going to hurt both of them, but it's what's necessary for them to cross paths with happiness.