Haikyuu - Second Best Choice (Iwaizumi x Female Reader)

Chapter Twenty-Two - Just a Caregiver

Y/N's POV

I answer Iwaizumi's DM and immediately put the phone down, screen facing the grass so I am not tempted to read any other message. Because that one I read is enough to get me emotional all over again. Small tears begin to form in my eyes. I try distracting myself by watching the blood from my hand drip and catch it with my other palm. However, Iwaizumi's message still echoes in my brain. He cares. Why?

Iwaizumi doesn't owe me anything, yet he has done more than a lot of people in my life whom I've known longer, and whom I've trusted more. So it is difficult trying to imagine him doing this from the bottom of his heart and not to just fuck me and move on. Just like someone I know, someone I trusted.

Just the thought of it. Do people see me as nothing else but a trophy? Or a wallet to help pay for the next four twenty?

I don't understand why. What am I doing wrong?

Or is it that I'm too greedy, I've never been happy with what I've had, always tried grasping for more. More attention, more love. That's why sometimes when neither of them is met, I get the urge to just... inflict a feeling on myself... anything.

I watch as the path of blood on my skin gets thicker.

Damn you, Y/N.

Maybe everyone struggles as I do and I'm just weak. I am not able to contain it inside of me at times, I wish I was as strong as the rest.

Strong like Kentaro. We are stuck in the same reality, yet he has always seemed to carry himself taller, he is more confident, and I've never ever seen my brother cry or fall to his knees.

The red lines become blurry as I feel the tears in my eyes get fat.

Why do I have to be stuck in this body?

If I'm being honest, I don't have anything left to fight for in this lifetime.

The blade finds between my fingers once again.

It's too much pain for just a few seconds of smiles.

The cold metal slides against my arm. I don't even feel the pain, only the coldness, but I know I've cut deep when the line gets wider and wider until red drenches my whole arm.

Panic rises when reality hits, and all of the cuts begin to burn, from the tiniest scratch to the two-inch wound that keeps getting bigger and bigger. My eyes open wide and my breathing increases, the tears finally heavy enough to begin falling down my face and into my neck.

"Fuck, fuck," I whisper. My hands tremble and don't correlate with my brain. Stop the bleeding, Y/N.

I had never had those thoughts. No matter how hard shit got, I never wanted to end it. Not sure why, but I never tried to end my life purposely. I've tried stopping the pain but never by trying to kill myself. Because even for that, I've never been strong enough.

I've never had visible wounds either, wounds that could make people question me. I've always been cautious for some reason I am not sure.

Silently, I plead for the blood to magically go back inside of me, for the wound to rewind itself and leave the once smooth skin.

"Oh, god..." A low foreign whisper says as the body of its owner shadows me.

Quickly, I grab my arm, in an attempt to hide it from whoever it is, then look up just to find Iwaizumi with a terrified face.

"Are you okay?" He crouches and comes down to make eye contact with me.

I don't say anything, but that's enough of an answer for him.