Humor Me (Steve Rogers fanfiction)

Chapter 23

It was all a dream. They never rescued me. I never really hugged Sam or Bucky. Steve didn't come for me. Nat didn't fly us to the compound.

I'm still in my cell. Crouching on the floor. Crying but not shedding a single tear, because I'm all out. Repeating 3 names over and over again, so I don't go crazy. I need to remember who to survive for.

„Sam, Bucky, Steve." I repeat over and over. I'm cold. My whole body's shaking.

I hear steps echoing down the hallway. Sharon's face appears before my eyes. I remember her inducing me with the supersoldier serum. And then all I can remember is pain. Crushing pain, like someone lit my veins on fire, while the serum worked its way through my body.

Suddenly I'm back in that chair, fighting for my life, screaming, resisting. The leather straps cut into the flesh around my wrists and ankles. The cold metal chair feels like ice against my burning skin. I arch my back away from it.

The pain becomes unbearable, when Sharon increases the power on the machine. My whole body is in agony – I scream again.

„Hey, hey!" I tear my eyes open and am met with a terrified blue stare. „Ivy!" He holds my shoulders in place to stop me from shaking.

„Your'e okay. You are safe." He tries to say as calmly as possible. It takes me a minute to clear my mind and recognise my surroundings.

„Bucky?" I press out in between breaths. „But I'm...I was..." I can't finish a thought, let alone a sentence.

„You're safe." He repeats, loosening his grip on my shoulders a little. „You're home. With us. Sam, Steve, Nat and me."

His words start sinking in. I'm at the compound. I'm in my bed. My room. I'm home. It was just a nightmare.

„Oh God you heard me." It was not a question but he answers anyways, sitting back my mattress.

„Yeah." He says softly but still on edge. I close my eyes for a second, rubbing my hands over my face.

„I'm so sorry." I say and then look back at him. „You can go back to sleep." The thought of him leaving me alone here terrifies me, but I don't want him to know that. How will I ever get back to sleep? The images are not only glued to my brain, they are planted in there. No getting rid of them.

„I'm fine." I lie. „It was just a dream."

„I get them too, you know." 

„What?" I reply.

„The nightmares." I flinch at the word. I don't want him to think we're in the same boat. He had to endure so much more than me.

„Oh, this is different." I quickly respond. „You spend over 70 years with...them." I'm not sure I will ever be able to hear or say that word again.

„I don't think it's different, Ivy."

„It is." I cut him off. We are not the same. I know what they did to Bucky and how it's affecting him still. And it probably always will, even with the Winter Soldier out of his system. The pain and the memories stay. I intent to whipe the last 3 months from my brain as quickly as I can.

„I was only there for 3 months."

„That doesn't matter, Ivy. It really doesn't." I sigh.

„Okay, but it'll pass." I look at him. I see the pain in his eyes, reflecting my own. „I just really hate sleeping alone to be honest." A smirk finds his lips, making his facial expression so much softer.

„I would offer to sleep here, but I don't want to fight Steve." I pause at what he just said and frown.

„He doesn't care. You saw him today." My shoulders drop forward. Steve's stonecold eyes still dance before my inner eye. Bucky waits a second before he replies.