Humor Me (Steve Rogers fanfiction)

Chapter 25

I tell myself I don't care that Steve left my room without saying anything. The truth is, I feel so fucking horrible about what I did. From letting him stay in my room, to having sex with him, to leaving him on my bed right after. All while I know he has feelings for me.

What kind of person would do that?

A confused one maybe. Because as much as I want to stay away from him, I do have feelings for him too. And he just drives me crazy in all the best and worst ways.

But that doesn't change the fact, that I should stop. I can't keep doing this to him or to myself. We can't be together.

I take a deep breath, straighten my shoulders and then walk into the conference room, where everyone is already waiting for me. I am met with Sam's concerned eyes, Bucky's terrifying stare and Steve's...nothing. He doesn't look at me. My stomach turns.

„Hey." I press out and walk to the head of the table in the front. I know what I have to do now. What they are all expecting from me. As much as I don't want to. I have to be professional on this.

„I am ready to talk now. About...what happened." I say, trying to control the shake in my voice. Steve finally looks up from where he stands on the other side of the table. He didn't even sit down for this. I swallow.

„Hydra" I close my eyes for a second. That word makes me sick to my stomach. I feel Sam shift in his seat. „They needed someone to test their new weapons on. In order to do that, they had to make me a supersoldier." Everybody already knows all of this but it's still horrible for me to say it out loud.

„I am so so-"

„No." I hold my hand up to interrupt Bucky. „No pity please. I just want them to pay. They did the same thing to my parents." My voice breaks.

„Ives..." I look up at Sam. He stops before speaking further, remembering my note about not pitying me. But there is so much pain in his eyes. He was there for a lot of times, when the loss of my parents got to me. He was always my safe haven. We went through most of it together, until he bliped.

„Until they died." I say, keeping my eyecontact with Sam. He flinches at my words, knowing how much that information affects me and must have affected me while I was caught there.

Bucky stands up, puts his fist to his mouth and walks a small circle, before he grabs the back of his chair and leans on it. I know he's holding back a lot of anger. My heart aches for him. He thought he had escaped Hydra, hoping to be free of them. And here I am bringing it all back to him. More guilt builds up inside of me. I bite my lower lip.

Before the silence becomes unbearable, I hear Steve talk. And it sends my heart beating faster.

„Do you have names for us?" I can see the information about my parents still affecting him too, but I am kind of thankful he wants to go about this professionally.

„Only two." I begin. I gather all my strength and say the first name without flinching.

„Alexander Pierce."

„I thought he is dead." I look at Bucky. His stonecold tone sends a shiver down my spine.

„He's not." I hold his stare as I say the second name. „Sharon Carter. That's the second name."

I am met with 3 pairs of absolutely shocked eyes.

I look back and forth between all of them. „What? You know her?"

„Are you sure that her name was Sharon Carter?" Bucky asks instead of responding. This time I twitch back a little at the sound of her name. I press my lips together.