Inevitable Attraction: Professor Chris Evans

Chapter 38:

His office was small and simple. A large brown desk adorned with picture frames with two chairs across from it. A window with old blinds covering the light from outside. A bookshelf with several heavy books weighing it down. A few pictures taped on the drab white wall likely drawn by Stella, Ethan, and Miles I guessed. I walked in and sat down rigidly in one of the chairs across from his desk and he gently closed the door. I stared at my shoes and tried to even out my breathing. This felt so intense. I was wishing to be in my bed.

"Thank you for coming." He said in almost a breathy whisper. I nodded in response and forced myself to look up at him. He stared into my eyes as I focused on keeping my emotions under control.

I cleared my throat before saying, "You wanted to talk, so go ahead."

He looked down at his hands before nodding and taking a deep breath.

"The woman that you saw me with Wednesday night, Jessica, she's my ex fiancé. We were together several years ago and she broke my heart when she cheated on me. She had a one night stand a month before we were supposed to get married." I nodded already knowing most of this information.

"I ran into her at Starbucks on Tuesday and she struck up a conversation. She asked if we could talk since we ended things on terrible terms and she claimed that she wanted to truly apologize to me. We used to always go to eat at the Tavern when we were together, which is why she suggested it. I don't know why I agreed to go. I guess I just wanted to hear her out." He glances up at me and when he determined that I'm still listening, he continued.

"I agreed to meet her at the restaurant, and she was apologizing for the way things ended with us. She told me how much she regretted sleeping with that guy and claimed alcohol played a large part in it and she would have never done that if she was sober. She said she missed me and she made a huge mistake not fighting for our relationship. She wanted to know if we could try again. She said that since we were older and more mature, we would stand a better chance." God, this is brutal.

"I want you to know that I have no intentions of getting back together with her, and I understand how hurtful it was of me to not tell you any of this. It was such a humiliating and terrible time for me when she cheated and we called off our engagement. I really don't like talking about it because I was in a terrible headspace after that. I shouldn't have allowed her to convince me to go to dinner with her. I should have been forthcoming with all of the information to you from the beginning. I promise to do whatever I can to make it up to you, if you'll allow me too." I looked up at him and saw the fear of rejection in his eyes. I sat silently for a moment, collecting my thoughts as I stared at my hands.

"Chris, I really appreciate you allowing me some space this weekend to collect my thoughts. I will admit, it was extremely painful seeing you sitting at dinner holding hands and staring deeply into the eyes of another woman. I understand that your relationship with her was a very significant one which I'm sure complicates your feelings about her. That being said, I had planned on talking to you on our date Thursday about us potentially becoming an exclusive couple and having you meet my family. I wanted to plan trip for us to go to my hometown and have you meet all of my loved ones. I'm sure you can imagine, this was quite the shock to see the night before I had planned to ask you about all of that. I guess, well I guess I thought we were both on the same page. I realize now that I think I jumped all into things with you too quickly. I was smitten from the day I met you which prompted me to not see things as logically as I would have in the past. Seeing how you were with her was absolutely brutal, but I understand that she was someone at one point in your life that you planned on spending forever with. I'm sure you understand how quickly one night can change things since that played a part in the end of your relationship with her. I spent my weekend trying to really feel my feelings and organize my thoughts. As much as I want to forgive and forget, I just don't see that happening. My trust in you is broken, and my ego is a bit wounded as well. I understand that we hadn't had the official exclusivity talk at that point yet, but I was already envisioning a future with you. I certainly don't hold you to blame for my overeager expectations, but I feel an overwhelming urge to protect what's left of my heart now. I think at this point, all I can offer you is forgiveness, and possibly a potential friendship. I hope you can understand. It's not that I don't want you. It's that I'm hurt."