PHANTASMAGORIA

CHAPTER 19

-AZIEL-

I was only 10 years old when I was set to an arranged marriage with my childhood friend, Kiah. Before, we were really naive about that matter that both of us even believed that it would make our friendship everlasting and stronger. We were really close. Kiah was the only daughter of my Dad's very best friend. We grew up together, we shared toys, we shared secrets and jokes, we even went to the same prestigious school.

When we became more aware about life as we grew up, that's when we realized that we made ourselves fools for believing that marriage would make our friendship stronger. Instead, it only made us feel awkward. Sinubukan naming kumontra sa mga magulang namin ngunit wala rin kaming nagawa dahil sila pa rin naman ang masusunod.
Sino ba naman kami para kumontra? Mga anak lang kami. Our parents instilled to our mind that they should be the authority. Dahil mga magulang namin sila.

But regardless of that, it didn't ruin the friendly bond I had with Kiah even if we had to consider each other as engaged now. Even though we didn't want to marry each other and we were still against our fathers' wishes, we were never swayed by the awkwardness that we felt between each other. Instead, we would just laughed it off. Nandidiri pa nga kami sa kaisipang magiging mag-asawa na kami.

I could always label our friendship as 'the best' and a 'sibling-like relationship like no other' not until she turned 16. I was 2 years older than her. She told me that she actually liked me. I thought she was just joking around so I did not take that seriously. But then, I was wrong. She actually meant it. Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman at sasabihin ko sa kan'ya dahil hindi kami pareho ng nararamdaman. I was very afraid to tell her because I knew she'd be hurt.

Starting that time, our friendship began to fall apart because she's now playing the good fiancee. She's acting like my girlfriend which I didn't like. But because I was afraid to hurt her, I went with the flow. Tuwang-tuwa naman ang mga magulang namin dahil sa wakas daw ay tanggap na naming sa altar talaga ang hantungan naming dalawa. I forced myself to develop romantic feelings for her but I just couldn't. Hindi ko kayang mahalin din siya katulad ng gusto niya.

I really only saw her as a friend, more like my younger precious sister. There, I felt pity for her. I was feeling guilty for making her believed we were mutual.
I know it's wrong but I just couldn't reciprocate her love. I thought I could still save our friendship but I was wrong. I confessed everything that day before our wedding. I didn't want her to spend her entire life dealing with an unrequited love. It's very unfair. She was in pain after knowing the truth, but still, she was desperate to marry me.

"Do you, Aziel, take Harukiah, to be your lawfully wedded wife?" The preacher asked.

I swallowed the big lump on my throat. I didn't know what to answer. I looked at Kiah's eyes. She was waiting for my answer. Her eyes were full of hope. Inaasahan niyang magiging 'oo' ang sagot ko.

I heaved a sigh, feeling so guilty. "I'm sorry, Kiah, but I can't do this.. I don't want to be unfair to you," I whispered to her.

There, I ran away from her. Nagulat ang lahat. She chased me. Lumayo ako sa simbahan, takbo ako nang takbo, sinisiguradong hindi nila ako mahahabol. I knew my Dad and Uncle would be so mad at me but I couldn't care less. It's for Kiah's sake. Para ito sa ikabubuti ng puso niya. It's for the two of us because we deserved freedom, too.

Malayo ang narating ko. Wala akong dalang pera at nakasuot pa ng pangkasal. I didn't know where to go.
I checked the time when I noticed the sun was already below the horizon. It was already 5:40 PM.

Habang nagpalinga-linga sa paligid ay napansin ko ang isang babaeng tumakbo patawid sa daanang puno ng mga sasakyang umaandar. What was she doing?! Magpapakamatay ba siya?!