Giving in... Or giving up...

Chapter 19

I stood there frozen in nothing more than his shirt and underwear and i curse myself for not getting dressed... But i curse myself even more because my body reacts immediately to seeing him... My heart is racing... I hear a door open in the hallway and one of my nosy neighbors looks our way and without thinking i pull Chris into my apartment and close the door behind me...

"Sorry nosy neighbors..." I mumble... and he nods... "What are you doing here?" I whisper not looking at him...  I dont dare look at him knowing if i look at him i am lost because fuck every fiber in my body wants him... "I am here because i am not giving up without a fight..." He whispers and i take in a sharp breath... I finally looking up to him as i can't resist it anymore... 

"Fight for what?" I whisper and he rolls his eyes looking annoyed... Angry even... "Really Neve? Are you still going to deny it... Are you still going to deny that there is something between us... Because i can't... Last night was not just a quick fuck for me... When i woke up this morning and you weren't there my heart broke i felt lost... All i wanted was you there... All i wanted was to hold you... Fuck Neve, you make me feel things i have never felt before... It is fucking intense because i can't get you out of my head... Every moment of every day you are on my mind... You haunt my dreams...!! I just want you in my life... No not want... Need...!!!" He says his voice getting louder and louder and i feel tears coming...

It is what every woman wants to hear... His words sending shivers through my spine... "Chris..." I say taking a deep breath and he looks at me his face now sad to... "No... You can't do this... You can't tell me you feel nothing because you are lying... Not only to me but to yourself...!" He says raising his voice again... "Stop yelling..." I beg him... "I can't because i dont know how to get through to you otherwise..." He yells and i turn around and walk further into the apartment knowing if we stay in the hallway the neighbors can hear... 

"Neve!" He says loudly and i can hear his footsteps as he follows me... "What!" I yell on the verge of breaking down... turning around facing him... "What Chris... What do you want me to say... You seem to have all the answers...! You seem to know what i should do! Tell me because i dont know! I am so fucking confused... Everything in me screams that it is a mistake... That i can't do this... That i can't deal with your life and what comes with it... That it would be torture knowing you are off and doing God knows what with god knows who... That i have to watch you kiss other women on screen and be okay with that... And yet... Every fiber in my body yearns for you... Every fiber in my body is drawn to you... And it is fucking confusing..." I yell as he steps in front of me... 

"Neve... If you will have me... I am yours and only yours..." He whispers... "You can't say that..." I say punching his chest... "Stop saying things like that..." I yell still hitting his chest as i am now crying... I keep punching his chest and he grabs my hands stopping me... "Breathe love..." He whispers as i am spiraling every emotion coming out... Every frustration i thought i had fucked out of me last night coming back to the surface... 

"I... i can't..." I say between sobs as i lost all control my legs giving out and he wraps his arms around me holding me up... All of a sudden everything gets quiet as he presses his lips on mine and i melt into the kiss my body relaxing... I wrap my arms around his neck pulling him closer his body flush against mine and he lifts me up... I wrap my legs around his waist as he deepens the kiss... His tongue explores my mouth, and they do their dance... The kiss is desperate... Hungry... Needy and breathtaking... But above all passionate...

He breaks the kiss and i rest my forehead against his... "I am scared..." I whisper and he plants another soft kiss on my lips... "I am to..." He whispers... "But we can be scared together..." He whispers and i open my eyes and kiss him again... "It hurt Chris... Seeing that at the party... It hurt..." I admit and he sighs closing his eyes pain washes over his face... "I dont give in easy... I told myself i could and then i saw that..." I whisper and he sighs again... "I am so sorry... But..." He starts to say but i shut him up by kissing him again not wanting to hear it... I just want to forget it... 

He sits down on the couch with me in his lap... I cuddle into him not knowing what to say anymore... I am tired... Although i slept for 9 hours i am so tired all the emotions drained me... I hum as he runs his hand up and down my legs caressing me... I hate to admit it but having him hold me relaxes me... His calmed me down and pulled me out of my downwards spiral... 

"You didn't even say goodbye..." He whispers and i sigh... "I did say goodbye... You just couldn't hear because you were asleep..." I mumble and he chuckles... "That doesn't count..." He murmurs and roll my eyes... "It does..." I say and he shakes his head... 

"And on top of that you stole my shirt..." He mumbles and i roll my eyes again... I push myself up and pull it over my head and hold it out for him to take and he looks at me shocked... "Here... your shirt..." I say looking at him dead serious as i am now sitting in his lap in nothing more than my panties... 

"Fuck..." He says his eyes roaming my body...