Giving in... Or giving up...

Chapter 63

The last two weeks were exhausting but so much fun... The book was doing amazing and on the last day of my book tour my publisher called telling me it was number 1... I never had a book be number 1... She asked me if i was open for one more stop... I had looking forward to going home but fine one more stop...

I am standing backstage at the Kelly Clarkson show and i sigh rubbing my belly... I had slept terribly and all i wanted was to go home... But i promised... 

I am now a little over 19 weeks pregnant... Next week i would have the gender reveal scan... I was excited... I was so curious... I already picked out names... I was also looking forward to seeing the progress on the house and to see Dotty again... Dotty and i had talked every day over the phone and she really is my rock... We agreed to go shopping for the house and the baby and i was looking forward to it...

I get introduced and i walk on stage hugging Kelly who congratulates me on the pregnancy and i smile... It all goes well we talk about the book and my pregnancy as there is no way around it anymore... She asks about the baby's dad and i just tell what i told in every interview when asked... That i rather kept that private... 

"But it is not Sebastian Stan...?" She said and i laughed... "No... He is not... Sebastian and i are childhood friends... We grew up together and are like brother and sister... He is definitely not the father... He will be the fun uncle..." I say smiling and with that she ends the segment and i am free to go... 

Seb and i had met up when i was near where they were filming and to say he was shocked was an understatement... He had been angry with Chris at first but over the last weeks that had changed somewhat... He had to work with Chris and i understood that but sometimes i felt like he blamed me for everything... I dont know why but i felt like he was distancing himself from me... 

But then again nothing would be the same again... I was moving to Violethill and i wouldn't be in New York anymore... I would become a mom while he still lived the party lifestyle... Our lives were taking different paths... And all though i understood it hurt... It hurt that he chose his Marvel buddies over me... But i guess i should get used to friendships changing... It didn't help that my emotions were all over the place... 

But as soon as i landed near Violethill and saw Dotty waiting for me to pick me up all the sadness disappeared and i was happy to be home... I still couldn't believe this was going to be my home but it made me happy and i couldn't wait to start my new life with the baby here... Dotty and i hugged and i smiled as she told me she watched all the interviews... "You have gotten so big..." She said and i blushed as she rubbed my belly... 

We walked to the car and put my suitcases in the back and i smiled as she filled me in on everything i had missed while i was gone while driving home... I realized how much i had missed her... "Dotty... Would you like to come with me to the gender reveal scan...?" I ask and she looks at me smiling with tears in her eyes... "Really??" She asked and i nodded... "It would be my honor..." She said with the biggest smile on her face, and we made plans to make a day of it going shopping after my appointment... 

We drove by the house before i went to my temporary home and it was amazing how much had been done in such a short amount of time... "Charlie has been working with all his men to finish the job ahead of schedule so you can settle in before the baby comes..." Dotty says smiling as we walk around and i get tears in my eyes... "It already looks amazing..." I whisper and Dotty smiles proudly...

She drops me off at the little house and she says she has done some grocery shopping for me and if in need anything to call... I tell her i will be by the diner tomorrow because i am dying for a banana milkshake... 

I am sitting on the couch when my phone rings and i sit up in surprise as i see Chris his name flash on the screen... I dont know what to do... Part of me is curious what he wants... Part of me wants him to go to hell... I decide not to answer so he can leave a message and i can listen to it when i am ready for it... I watch the phone until it stops ringing and after another snack i decide to go to bed... 

But i can't sleep... I keep wondering what Chris wants... I grab my phone and listen to the voicemail... 

"Hey love... I... I know i am probably the last person you want to hear from... I know i screwed up again and again... But i can't stop thinking about you and the baby... I was wondering how you and the baby are doing... I... i... God what am i doing... Neve... Love... I miss you and i love you... I know i fucked up but seeing you pregnant freaked me out... I got scared... And God i wished i could do it all over... I want to be part of our baby's life... Of your life... I want to be a family and i am sorry it took me so long to realize...." The message said and it went on or much longer but i couldn't listen anymore... I saved the message in case i wanted to listen to it later and threw my phone aside...

I was in shock... Was he doing this to torment me... Why now... What changed... No... No... He made his bed... He walked out and made his choice... It is to late... I can't use this right now... Besides next week he will walk out again and i didn't want that for my baby... We dont need him... We will be fine on our own... God knows i cant count on him...