Giving in... Or giving up...

Chapter 60

I really should start checking who is in front to the door before opening it... Thinking Chris was still in Atlanta busy filming and doing God knows what... I did not expect him here... But here he was standing in front of my door... He looked tired and like shit which somehow made me feel a little better... I was not the only one who seemed to be suffering... The only difference... He did this to himself...

I wanted to close the door on him, but he put his foot between it and i opened it again... "Chris... I dont want to talk to you..." I said trying my best to stay calm... I thanked God for the big shirt i was wearing... Hoping it was enough to hide my belly... "Neve... Please... Please just hear me out if you want me to leave you alone after that i will..." He said and i sighed... "Chris leave..." I said trying to push him back so i could close the door, but it was like pushing a brick wall... I scolded my damn hormones for my body reacting to his sent as it surrounded me... 

"Please Neve... Please... I just want to explain... I need to explain..." He said and i shook my head... "What is there to explain... You went to Atlanta and forgot about me sitting here missing you like crazy like some idiot thinking what we had was special... And when some girl threw herself at you... Well, how could you possibly resist that..." I spat at him... "Fucking parading with her around town... What did you think i would not see that... You know even if you had not cheated it would still hurt... I was tucked away... A dirty secret... But i guess she is more up your alley..." I growl and i can see he is shocked at the venom in my voice... 

A door in the hallway opens and one of the nosy neighbors steps out into the hall to see what is going on... "Oh for the love of god... Go back inside Mrs. O'mally... This is none of your business... Maybe get a life so you dont have to spy on your neighbors..." I yell at her, and she blushes and goes back inside... But before i can turn back my attention to Chris, he pushes me inside closing the door behind me... "Are you trying to..." He starts to say but stops all of a sudden...

I can see the blood drain from his face as he had put his hand on me feeling the top of my belly... I try to keep a straight face, but it was too late... The cat was out of the bag... "Neve... Are you..." He started to say running his hand through his hair looking absolutely shocked, panicked and confused... I sighed and just turned around knowing there was no way out of this and walked into my apartment... This whole situation was absurd and i started to chuckle... 

"Would you believe me if i say i had a big dinner?" I ask as i started to laugh harder as some sort of defense mechanism... I dont know why but the look of horror on his face made me laugh even more and tears were now rolling down my cheek as he stood there frozen on the spot... "Well go ahead... run... Dont worry i can do it on my own i dont need you... We dont need you..." I said and Chris just looked at me and i started to worry a little bit as he was not reacting at all... It was someone had pressed pause... "Chris?" I said but no reaction... 

"Okay well i am tired so i am going to bed... You can let yourself out when you are ready..." I said and just shook my head walking past him as he was still frozen on the spot... I could swear i heard his brain working on processing the new information...  I should have kicked him out but now that he knows i knew we had some things to discuss... Even if it was just that he wanted nothing to do with the baby it needed to be discussed... Why did he need to show up here... God why was he so insistent on fixing this...

I walked into the bedroom and sighed pulling back the blankets and laying down installing myself with my pillows to get comfortable... But as soon as my body relaxed all the hurt and emotions came flooding back... I had tried so hard to push them down seeing Chris stand there in front of the door that now everything came in at once and i started to cry... 

I just cried as all the emotions came rushing in... I hated myself for still caring about him... Part of me wanted to hear him out but the other part of me told me no matter what he would say i would not believe him... And yet my body still reacted to him... Longed for him... Seeing him still made my heart jump a little... God how different would this have been had he not cheated... I would have climbed him like a tree... But no... He cheated... 

Even if it was true that she kissed him... He had put himself into yet another situation that it was possible for this woman to do so... Even if nothing had happened the sting of him walking around town with her not a care in the world... While going out with me was such a struggle every time... hurt... It all hurt i hated him but still loved him... It was fucking pathetic because i felt sad and alone and although Chris was the reason i was feeling like this i wanted him to comfort me...

Why was he here... Did he really think that him showing up meant i would forgive him... That it all somehow magically would change how much he had hurt me... I am crying my eyes out unable to stop as the pain of his betrayal hit me like a freight train again... I couldn't stop crying and it was like no time had passed and i just had found out... I was ugly sobbing when i heard the door open and i looked up as Chris was standing in the doorway hesitating for a moment... 

I just buried my head back in my pillow and started to cry even harder not caring anymore... I had kept all my emotions inside while dealing with him and now he could see the hurt he had caused... I started to protest as he crawled into bed and pulled me closer. I tried to shove him away... "No! No... You caused this... You are not the one who gets to comfort me now..." I said as i started to slap and push him, but he did nothing just held me and let me just hit and shove him until i finally gave in... Too tired from all the emotions... I gave in as my body once again relaxed in his arms and i told myself i let him do this for our baby... That my baby needed me to calm down and i justified giving in because of that...