I'll always love you no matter what

19. talk

Even though the painful side effects were already torturing her, she now had a new fear. Fear of death. The only life she had left was hers, and she desperately wished to live it to the fullest. It was difficult for her to deal with that after her second cycle.

And what was more difficult than her increasing fear of death was the fact that she had been feeling so alone throughout this whole process. She's been wanting to tell people her thoughts and how she was feeling about all this, but there was no way she would talk to her family about this. Especially since they had their own feelings to think about. They were already disquieted enough. Any time she thought about talking to her parents about something she'd remember how painfully her parents had cried when they didn't know she was watching. She just didn't want to cause her family anymore pain than she had already done.

Instead of talking to someone about how she was feeling, she would just lie in bed all night. This was because she never had any idea how to stop them.

About two months after getting her feeding tube in she was doing much better. The soreness in her throat had settled down so she could eat food without having to use her tube and her cough wasn't as severe anymore. It's like she was finally becoming normal again but she knew not to get her hopes up. With how much better she was feeling she still wasn't able to remove the feeding tube out. This is because her doctor said it was better to keep it in since she was losing quite a bit of weight since the start of her treatment.

Tomorrow she would be getting her scan to check on how well the treatment was working for her. And to be completely honest she was absolutely apprehensive. Her anxiety spiked up just thinking about it. What if her scan didn't come out well?

After all these thoughts, she suddenly wished she had someone to talk to. She grabbed her phone and scanned through the contacts she had. Ajax? Eh, Yoko? Meh, Bianca? No, Xavier? Hell no, Divina? Eh, Eugene? Eh, Enid? Yes, but was she awake? It was the middle of the night so there was a slight chance she was awake at the moment. However, there was also a big chance she was fast asleep. And she was never the one to make the calls. She was always the one answering the phone. What if she called her while she was in the middle of doing something?

She couldn't keep her thoughts private any longer, so she had to call her. Now. Her finger hovered over her contact shakily before pressing it. It rang for about thirty seconds before Enid answered.

"Hello?" Enid said somehow managing to sound happy and worried at the same time. "Wednesday are you alright?" Enid asked anxiously thinking about why she called in the middle of the night.

"I'm okay" she said quickly so her friend could stop worrying. "What are you doing?" She asked wondering why she was up in the middle of the night.

"Nothing really I just can't sleep" Enid said honestly "what can't sleep either?"

The silence on Wednesday answered her question.

Since she had called to talk to her yesterday about the scan, Enid asked, "Is it because of the scan?" Enid knew about the scan because she had called her yesterday to discuss it.

"Yeah... it's just... it's just I don't know how to feel about it" she answered honestly.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"I don't know."

"Okay well.... let's talk about something else then" Enid said trying to brighten up the mood "Oh! Yesterday Xavier fell into the water fountain it was hilarious I could send you the video if you'd like"

"No it's fine I don't wanna see the video. How have your classes been?"

"Well I got a B-minus on my math test which I think is an excellent score to get especially since I had no clue what I was doing."