two doors down

am...

she held me close until we fell asleep as we decided it was best to get an early night because tomorrow was going to be a long day. i of course fell asleep for about 2 hours before waking up without the power to fall asleep again. 

i got up gently from ontop of monica and quietly opened the door do get to the bathroom.  turning around i closed the door behind me staring at myself in the mirror. dark bags were under my eyes as my hands were slightly shaking. i slowly pulled up my sleeves leaning down slightly to turn the tap on. i cupped some of the water splashing it on my face. 

i was really nervous about tomorrow and i didnt need to be over thinking this now. i know i dont care if i win or not thats never what this is about but like what if everyone there is so much better than me. art is like the one thing im good at and i just dont want someone to hate it. of course everyone can have their own opinions but im still scared. 

i turned back around sinking to the floor my back against the bathroom cabinet. instantly i tensed and moved my back aching from the bruises. i started to take shaky breaths as tears began to well in my eyes. i looked up to keep the tears at bay, breathing through my mouth to try and get more air in since the tightness in the back of my throat was growing more painfull. 

my temples started to hurt as my chest felt heavy and i was scratching at my thighs with my nails. "y/n/n?" i hear monica softly whisper through the closed door. i dont answer her. i cant answer her. but she opens the door looking down at me softly. "whats going on in that mind of yours hm?" see she talks like an old woman. 

"i- uh. " i shake my head not being able to form a sentence. i curled up tighter resting my head on my knees. 

"y/n breathe, deep breaths, follow me" 

------------------------------------

after monica made me put moisturizer on my thighs because they were red raw from me scratching them we were in the kitchen trying to find those melatonin gummies her mum got for them a little bit back. 

"ah here" monica climbs down from the bench. she presses down on the child lock before opening it and handing me 2. i take them following her back to her room as she carries two cups of water up. 

walking past ashtons room we herd him yelling at his friends he must've came home late and went straight to play video games. 

we walked into her room me instantly curling up in the middle of her bed. i was already falling asleep and it felt great. monica got in behind me wrapping an arm around me. within seconds i was asleep. how strong were those tablets.

monicas pov

i woke up at 7am and y/n was still sleeping but somehow flipped ways and her legs were by my head and her head at the foot of the bed. i shake my head with a smile glad shes finally sleeping. pulling the covers up over her i grabbed the glass of water off my nightstand taking a sip and walking downstairs. 

"morning mum" i yawned walking past her to the fridge. she kissed my head on the way past before greeting me back. 

"good morning sweetie, you exited for today" she asked making scrambled eggs. i nodded before she spoke again "did you guys have trouble sleeping or something?" she asked holding up the bottle of melatonin gummys. 

"yeah y/n, they worked tho cause shes still sleeping" i explained beginning to toast a bagel. 

y/n pov

i woke up to monica bringing me breakfast. that was the best sleep ive had in the long time. "im to nervous to eat" i softly declined. it looked great, monicas mum always has great cooking but i just couldnt. 

"knowing you you'll forget about lunch so no eat" she handed me the plate before going for a shower. on the way out she gave me a look saying to eat as much as i can. i looked at her then the food and back to the now closed door.  

i grabbed my phone to distract myself as i picked at the bagel and ate some of the eggs. i drunk some water but just waited for monica to come back. i wasnt sure what time we were leaving so i just waited my knee tucked up under my chin scrolling mindlessly on my phone. 

she walked in and smiled at me before informing that we were leaving in half an hour. "lunch is provided so we just have to take water, sir has most of our art too" monica was going through her bag. the woman is like marry poppins whatever you need its in there. even a small sewing kit and umbrella. 

i got changed into a pair of jeans i had brought, they had a couple paint splatters on them, a few frays and rips and just over all worn out. i hope it didnt look like i was trying to dress like an artist or something the jeans were just really comfortable. i grabbed monicas hoodie again putting it on top of the singlet i was already wearing before styling my hair in the simplest way possible.

a/n this is shit. i wrote this at like 2am last night and i cant be bothered to read through so hopefully it wasnt that incoherent