Atomic Love [2]

Chapter 6 - Hanging Out Pt. 1

TW: Smoking, swearing, mentions of drugs

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Chapter 6

September 20, Sunday

Kathrin's POV

I walked around the forest in front of the neighborhood with Arthur on my side. He called me earlier today to hang out, and he was new around here so I thought he could use a new friend.

Look at me, actually trying to make friends. How great of an improvement I've made.

We eventually arrived at the treehouse, the both of us going up into it. I was going to bring him to the abandoned house, but even if Maeva and Sienna don't really like me that much right now, I'm not going to just share 'our place' with somebody else.

So the only other place I knew was the treehouse. Though, to be honest, I've been thinking about living here, only for a while. I never know what could happen at home, so it might just be best if I don't live there.

I pulled out a cigarette, putting it between my lips and lighting it. "You want one?" I mumbled, offering him the packet, while he answered with a simple "Sure." taking a cigarette while I helped him light it.

There was silence between us as we both stared up at the stars in the night sky through the hole on the roof.

To break the awkward silence, I decided to be the first one to start talking.

"What was the first thing you wanted to do-- like as a job?" I asked, shifting my gaze to look at him.

"Uhm, I haven't really thought about it much. But I've always been a fan of stars, so something related to that." He replied.

"Like the science of stars? Because like-- no offence-- you didn't really come off as the nerdy-type person to me." I quizzed, blowing out a puff of smoke.

"Well I'm definitely not smart enough to take on any sciency star-related things, but-- I don't know-- stars just seem so... fascinating." Arthur explained.

And even if I didn't know him that well yet, hearing him talk about something he was really passionate about made me feel good in some type of way. I really couldn't explain it, but whenever people talk about what they like, it just seems to make me feel happy.

"What about you? First thing you were ever interested in doing?" The redhead boy requested, while I replied with, "Hmm, first one? Artist."

I could see a look of confusion mask his face. "Really? You don't seem like the type of person to want to do it for a living." Arthur stated, taking the cigarette out with his index and middle finger.

"Well, no, I've always wanted to take after my fathers' business-- well, thought I wanted to-- but drawing has always been a thing I enjoyed." I expounded, hugging my knees with my left arm.

"Y'know, my mom's an artist." Arthur then said, leaning his head back slightly so that the moonlight would shine onto his tinted red face.

"I thought she was a doctor?" I asked, laying down on the creaking wood. "First of all, surgeon, not doctor," He started saying, me rolling my eyes at the correction. "And second of all, yes she's an artist."

I started tapping my feet, Arthur laying down next to me. "Fine then, what kind of art has she made?" I quizzed, him turning his head to look at me. "Me, of course."

I rolled my eyes again, playfully glaring at the redhead boy. "Hah, more like abstract art." I retorted, laughing slightly, now him glaring at me.

"Well since we are asking each other questions, I have one in mind," Arthur started saying, "...Have you ever been in love?"

I felt myself slightly flinch back in shock at the question. I chuckled nervously.

I have thought about how I would answer that question so many times in my life. Truth is, I don't even know what love is. I mean, who does?

Naturally, when I think of a problem, the writer in me would want to make up a solution-- completely original, never thought of before. But if I couldn't do that, I would turn to facts.

Researchers have said that love is broken down into three parts: lust, attraction and attachment. I mean, yes, I fucked a fair share of people in my life, but never have I felt anything more towards them than the physical allurement.

Sure, I've been attracted to people-- but it just brings us back to that 'lust'-- I don't ever feel more towards them. And for attachment, well I've learnt my lesson on not getting attached to people.

So ultimately I just decided that I didn't believe in love. Because why should I believe in something that ultimately just doesn't seem to be there?

"Y'know, I used to not believe in love?" I asked rhetorically, laughing slightly as I blew out another puff of smoke. "Really? How so?" Arthur quizzed.

"I've read somewhere that love is actually like the feeling of being addicted to drugs; that release of euphoria. After knowing that, I thought: if love is like being addicted to drugs, then why would I want to do it?

"I mean while being high, everything seems all fun and great, but what if it wears off? So I kind of just made myself think that love isn't real- because when I read about it in stories, it seems all happy and joyous... but those are only the parts where they are intoxicated by these 'drugs'.

"We don't know what happens beneath the pages, and they're not shown for a reason." I expounded, feeling the burning stare of Arthur's eyes on me.

"Well then, what do you mean by 'used to'?" Arthur then questioned, while I sighed. "Well I-- I met this girl last year. Completely turned my life around. She's the reason I'm not dead." Dead by my own hand, killed by my own mind.

With the thought of her, this hollow feeling in my heart-- the same exact feeling I got the moment she left-- came back again, haunting me. And the memories of the amount of days and nights we've spent here came crashing in.

"What happened?" The redhead boy asked, and I could see genuine sympathy on his face. "I wasn't a great person. She deserved better."

And I wish for her to move on as soon as she possibly can, but I know I will have a little part of me that won't stop loving her. I mean, you never forget your first love.

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1084 words (edited)