Atomic Love [2]

Chapter 29 - Valentines Day Pt. 3

Italics is thoughts

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Chapter 29

February 14, Sunday

Sienna's POV

Today has been so fun. I felt so... happy-- Dylan made me so happy.

But truly, this happiness was just me trying to distract myself from the doubting emotions I've been feeling.

It's been going on, and on, and on, this non-stop cycle of repetitive screaming in my head. Sometimes, as if I'm hallucinating, when I look at Dylan, I only see Vernon's face. I hear the way he talked to me, as if I was just some prey, standing lonely and pretty and doe-eyed, waiting to be attacked. Even if Dylan was not Vernon, not in any way shape or form, I still can't control my thoughts.

I can barely allow the boy the touch me anymore. Any time he comes in to hold my hand, or slides an arm around my waist, I feel the same uncomfortable tingle I did when Vernon tried to touch me, to get close to me, to do things I don't want to even think about; to do things that might just scar me forever.

I want to forget that night, forget it so badly; but it just seems to be etched in my brain, a tattoo that lingers torturously, with no stop, and no slow. It's clawing into my head and heart and ruining whatever feelings I have for Dylan; and it's been absolutely killing me on the inside.

But the truth was, what Vernon did might not have been a change-of-thought, but rather a realisation, a reminder. A reminder that Dylan was too good for me; he was always too good for me, even way before we started dating. And I thought that after I came clean of my feelings last school year, I would no longer be so jealous of these other girls that seemed to be so good for him-- yet I still fe't that I'd never reach that standard; I'm still not happy with myself, how could he be happy with me? He was always meant to be out there, showing everyone his shine-- and not trapped with me, simple Sienna; who was always meant to be the hopelessly in love girl on the sidelines, watching in awe.

And highschool was going to end soon, which meant we were going to college-- and I feel that the more distanced we are, the worse it was going to be. I feel that the doubting thoughts will corrupt me.

Which was why I planned on breaking up with him at the end of the year-- because I didn't want to be drowned by these terrible feelings anymore.

Currently, we sat at his dinner table as we enjoyed the meal we cooked together-- though the entire time Dylan seemed to be trying to give me 'subtle glances', but it just turned out to just be 'staring intently'.

And after a few bites of the food, I could feel something hard get caught in my throat. I burst into a fit of coughs, trying to get it out. Though eventually, I spat out a small ring made of diamonds that shaped like a rose.

I could feel my eyes widen in shock as an idea of what was happening flashed into my mind.

Looking up again, I saw Dylan beside me, down on one knee; taking the ring from my hands and holding it up.

The boy cleared his throat, looking down at a piece of paper before reading aloud the words.

"Billions people in the world, yet you're the one I chose. You allowed my love to unfurl, please be my beautiful rose.

"You've made my life so bright, with your shining golden light. How would I get through the night? Without you by my side.

"You've got bronzed brown eyes, and the luscious skin of gold. Like the sun setting down from so high, hiding from everyone of your glow.

"Your lips like summer cherries, and your long hair that's like ravens. We're like a mix of all berries. We're the perfect combination.

"All I feel with you is pure bliss, like roses blooming in Spring. And this is my only wish, for you to accept my promise ring."

I could feel my eyes well up with tears of glee. Did Dylan really love me so much that he was willing to propose to me?

But then-- the doubting voice came back again- and I could almost let out a breath of relief as I realised it was only a promise ring. Why would someone like Dylan want to spend the rest of his life with someone like me?

And just like that, the tears of joy turned into tears of distress; though I played it off by spreading a fake smile on my face.

"Yes! Yes, yes yes!" I screamed out in makeshift exhilaration before I could let out a broken sob, letting him slip the ring onto my finger. Though even if my voice sounded happy and excited, my mind was clouded with that cruel little voice again.

You're so selfish. He's done so much for you, yet you still don't think it's enough. He'll realise you aren't worth it soon and leave you for someone better. All of this is fake-- just a phase-- he'll wake up and realise how terrible you are soon.

You've got to break up with him before he does to you-- because it would be so much worse then. He'll know you're nothing but a mistake, and forever torture you with the idea. Just do the right thing and end it right now.

Dylans' lips on mine snapped me out of my daze. He stood from where he kneeled, wrapping his arms around me as I rested my chin on his shoulder.

"Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart." The boy whispered into my ear, unknown of the sad tears that rolled down my tanned cheeks. "Happy Valentine's Day." I said back, trying my best to hide the shakiness in my voice which masked the demons that clouded my head.

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997 words (edited)