Diary of a Trans Girl: The Revival Of The Diary

Monday 10th of April 2023

So I've decided I am definitely feeling more like I'm femme non-binary. I also am feeling no love for my current partner. I'm in a relationship that's almost completely one-sided and that side is me which is rotting me away piece by brittle piece. I'd rather hang out with the friend I live with than spend time babysitting my own partner because she can't do anything for herself. I'm now actively looking for a job so I can follow my own plans of what I want. I don't care if I end up alone at this point it's better than pulling my hair out from stress or losing everyone because of her. Now my attraction is purely female although I am happy to date t4t trans women or non-binary. (T4T means one transgender person is attracted to another transgender person). I can tell my best friend is loving having me here with her. She's been making plans and having ideas of things we can do together and with her kids. Like shes found that best female female friend every girl wishes she had. I love her boys, they are a part of her and that makes them special as well. I love seeing all of her interests and things she does. I'm amazed how ignorant I was to it all when I dated her. She's incredibly fascinating as a person and as a friend. I also notice all the cute things she does now and can't help but smile when I see them. Like falling asleep on the couch when we watch TV together and bopping her head to the same tunes that I do. I've been really enjoying getting to know her again. She's come such a long way from the girl who read library books with me in school. Although I'm almost a completely different person now so it's probably been an interesting experience getting to know me as my whole self. As Jane and not who I once was. I mean my personality and likes and interests are all different now from the feminine hormones changing my brain chemistry, so I'd imagine she'd be either be fascinated or annoyed or possibly a mix of the two at who I am now. I just try to be helpful where I can and show kindness in everything I do. Not to mention being thoughtful of others. I've been on hormones for almost three years and never want to stop them. They define who I am now and I love that version of Jane. For now, I'm going to continue with my name as Jane but I'm considering Mary-Jane or just MJ. I'd also be changing my signature to reflect it. I guess I have a lot on my mind and need to talk to someone. I just can never get space to do so from my current partner who follows me everywhere.

-Jane