Diary of a Trans Girl: The Revival Of The Diary

Wednesday 19th April 2023

I'm writing this entry while very tired so I hope it makes sense.

So today I've had a lot on my mind. I spent the day with my bestie to help her with her shopping and errands. She loves to spoil me as much as I like to spoil her but neither of us ever asks each other for anything so we usually just buy things for each other and we're just like "here" and laugh. It's been absolutely fantastic spending time with her and both her wonderful boys. Today had me thinking of the future though. How much I actually look forward to finding a share house with some other queer people and getting back into some of my hobbies. I love spending time with friends, I love to spoil them and do things to make them happy. I am looking forward to some things I can only do around queer folks and in my own space. I was looking at easels and it had me thinking about how much I'd enjoy getting back into painting and then selling my paintings and then how much I'd like to focus on writing my stories once more. I've decided to get a separate place from my partner but still date her. She has a lot of growing to do and I'm holding her back from that. I've coddled her too long and she's gotten far too used to it.  A part of me would love to stay here with my best friend and help her out long term but she does have her own life to live. Yes you might say the same for me but the truth is that I've never met someone I had more in common with than her. Not to mention that her boys are special to me. I can't have my own children and have a lot of love to give so it feels good to help her with her little ones and to have close bonds with them.
I just want to add here that I know I've written a lot about my friend. I don't see her in any romantic sense. I may have dated her pre-transition but I'm a completely different person now than back then (not just the boobs!) I'm aromantic and somewhere on the asexual spectrum. I just happen to appreciate her for who she is now and that may look like something more but it's really not. It's just me being kind to a good friend. I'm also almost exactly the same with all my other good friends as well. I go above and beyond for all my close friends since my transition. *I'm only writing this because someone messaged me and said they ship her and myself. I already spoke to my partner and reassured her.
My friend did do something tonight that puts her ahead of all my other friends though. She asked if I'd be her little ones Godmother. Which meant so very much to me. She asked me by writing a message on a cup as well as a beautiful quote and having a photo of myself and her littlest one printed on the cup. I'm not sentimental about items but I think I'll be holding onto that cup forever. Oh and I of course said yes.

-Jane