Diary of a Trans Girl: The Revival Of The Diary

Wednesday 14th of June 2023

So you don't get diagnosed as transgender. You can be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria though. What is Gender Dysphoria? Well, when you're born in the wrong body you might dislike or hate certain aspects of it. Things that cause you to feel depressed or anxious or even both. I get it from body hair and because of it I used to shower every day and shave my entire body and my face. It's something that can be dealt with if you can afford laser hair removal. That's expensive though. Far more expensive than even a whole-body tattoo. That's because you need many laser sessions to stop the hair growing and then you still require the odd touch-up sessions. I've had eight on my face and so I've found that I can reseason with myself to shave it only every second day unless I'm meeting people of course. Not all trans people get Dysphoria which I personally don't understand. Transgender people mostly have it because of facial structure and genitals. I'm sure you've heard of certain trans males having their breasts removed. It's better than the alternative from the damage of long-term binding. I have a friend that had a large chest and would bind. Trans females who were assigned male at birth, well we grow breasts from hormones and it also rewrites some of our brain chemistry. Trans women though often have Dysphoria from our voices and our genitals. I've come to accept both of mine. I have worked thoroughly on my voice but I still wish to have it surgically changed. Which is possibly the cheapest surgery for a trans girl. This is especially since its what out's me the most. I hate being called he/him. Now that gives me Dysphoria.
A sees me only as who I see myself as. The love we share is like a new version of what we had as teenagers. Back when I dated her when I was 18 and she was 16. It's hormonal like we can't not help but act like the teenagers we once were but it's also so intellectual like being in a relationship with your best friend who happens to like almost everything you do. The conversations we have are so stimulating, I could listen to her tell me things for days. Then there are the subtle moments when we grope one another so slyly but enough to know that we feel the slightest touch of electricity from it. Even when she just rests her hand on my leg I feel that electricity and it reminds me of how strongly I feel for her. With my last partner, I had no lust for her, no romance and in the end, no love. With A, I have all three and so much more. It's not new, it's an old love that's rekindled and burns so much brighter now. The time apart just made us realise how great we are together. Having someone who cares about the other, listens, understands and is there for the other. That seems like the easiest thing to find in a relationship but in truth I've only ever had that with A. Others pretend but don't really understand or grasp the full concept of understanding the other.
Anyway, I'm about to start a new job. Just something part-time and easy so I will still have plenty of time to spend with A and the kids.

-Jane