Diary of a Trans Girl: The Revival Of The Diary

Tuesday 5th of December 2023

So today is a tough day for me, emotionally that is. It's my little brother's birthday. Some stuff happened and he's become estranged to me. Taking sides that shouldn't exist. Anyway, my head just keeps telling me that he's out there struggling to feel happy today. He shared his birthday with his father, my step-father, who died of cancer a decade ago. So yes it's playing on my mind a lot today.

Well, I've taken a step towards my dream. I've begun studying a Certificate Four in mental health. I hope to one day start my own support service for at-risk LGBT+ people. Something that isn't as strenuous as the services that already exist. So far people are supporting the notion and I'm happy about that. The truth is though, starting something so big is going to take a lot of effort and I realise this. It's going to be a long and difficult road but it's my dream and I hope others will come along and help me reach it. I know I'll likely need a business loan, as well as several government grants to officially start it.

I've already completed diplomas in business and management as well as counselling and bookkeeping. I've been slowly setting myself up for this dream over the last decade and now I can finally see the finish line in sight.

Of course, my mind has been disaster-fying everything lately. Thinking the worst will happen when it doesn't. Maybe I just got used to things never working out for me, when in truly they usually do. I mean my GP this morning basically said she wasn't comfortable prescribing me estrodial and wanted me to find a sexual health clinic she can refer me to. My head instantly said it was transpobia when it was more than likely a lack of experience with transgender patients that was likely the case. I suppose being transgender I've gotten used to rolling my eyes at the daily transphobia. The small moments that others might make a larger deal over. Sure, it offends me and yes I appreciate when people correct those thoughtless comments. I suppose it helps that there are five trans people in my class including another trans girl. I suppose that's life now though. Being transgender is becoming more common. Then again I don't correct others when they say things that might offend other trans people. I know it's my "want" to not get involved in drama but I don't want to be like that. I want to do and say the right things by my trans brothers, sisters and siblings. I'm slowly becoming less introverted but I truly don't know if it's even possible to retrain ones personality enough to get out of my comfort zone and be that person I want to be.

Gosh I hope that made sense. It made sense in my head.

-Jane