Diary of a Trans Girl: The Revival Of The Diary

Monday 17th of April 2023

I have a plan for the future. Something that's going to give me purpose. I won't say any more than that in this diary for now. What I will say is that I'm no longer going to allow myself to be a magnet for toxicity any longer.
Something I did want to write about is my definition of love. A trans woman's perspective on it. Attraction is part of that love. Being attracted to a person's whole personality and the aesthetic attraction of course. Whether that's a man, woman, NB or anything else. For me, I'm Neptunic, which means I'm only attracted to femme-identifying persons. I believe sexual attraction falls in there somewhere as well of course but being attracted to someone's body before you have those other two attractions is simply lust. I recently said I have no love for my current partner, by that I mean I have no attraction to her personality at all.
Now this is where confusion may come into play. We can think our friends are cute, they act cute and our personalities work so well together. In saying that there's a line between loving them for who they are to you as a friend and being in love with them as a person. The feel of their finger tips brushing across your skin and instead of an awkward feeling you would have with a friend, you crave it some more. Like electricity crackling in your very soul. Another example is when they look you in the eyes and you find your heart aflutter. That is how you know your feelings to be true. You don't crave their body but you crave their affection like it's sustenance for your very heart and soul. I don't dance that fine line of love and lust like I did when I was younger. I know what I'm feeling these days.
That is my definition of love. A trans girls perspective on the deep matters of the heart.
I just want to mention though, we are often times attracted to the wrong people. They manipulate and corrupt our minds. We want freedom but can't attain it as long as their obstructing our feelings. Manipulation and abuse are the tools of children that toy with our feelings. Real adults show respect to one another. They get to know the real you and appreciate you without yelling at you or even hitting you or hurting you. This isn't just from my counselling degree. This is from my very own experience. I add this into my books as it is romantic and sensual. It's not how all women want love to work. Though for this trans girl... well a girl can dream.

-Jane