Embracing love

- 23 -

ZEPHYR

While waiting for Esme, I'm thinking everything that happened to me these few weeks. From Zylak, to Zeev and then to Esme.

I don't have doubts with zylak, as for Zeev I do miss him. There's a part of me that seeks for him. Its like his the missing piece in my life. I always think of him and sometimes wish he were also by my side. I even dreamed about being in both of their arms, dreaming about what our life if there's a three of us. But of course I can't do that I have Esme now to my side. Tho it saddens me sometimes when I think of Zeev but Esme made me happy.

And speaking of Esme, he really made me smile. I'm starting to believe that I care for him, that I like being with him, I like him caring for me, laughing with me, and I love being by his side. And I now believe that I like him. Or maybe love but I don't know. I just know that I want to atay what we have right now, what we are right now.

I was back to my senses after I heard the door being open.

"Esme are you back?" I called out and heading to the door

I saw him taking off his shoes, which is my own habit that he made a rule in our home. Yes i regarded this as a home now, specially after I left my own apartment this became my home, me and Zylak of course with Esme.

"Yes I'm back" he smiled and hugged me

Should I confess what I feel now? Will he understands me? Will he accept me? I know he's always good to me but what if he changes his mind and won't like me anymore? Should I not confess instead?

"Are you ok Zephyr? You are spacing out. Is there something wrong?" He asks as he looks at me full of concern in his eyes.

Well I guess I can't back down now. I want to be happy like how I am now, if he ever leave me one day then I'll just live alone again. Yes, I should take a step now. He can't just wait for my pace. And I need to take this step for myself too. I cannot just live alone with regrets and pain from the past. I should also chase my own happiness and I already like and trust Esme.

"Esme, a actually there's something I want to tell you" I said with a little hesitation

But no, I won't back down. This is my chance for my happiness.

"Ok, shall we sit down?"

I nodded and heads to the living room. We sit side by side and I start to tremble.

I'm nervous.
I'm scared.

"Deep breath, Zephyr, deep breath. Tale your time. There's no need to rush" he comforts me.

This is why my hearts beats for him. He never pushes me, he waits for me, he is gentle and knows me well.

"You like me right? But why?" I asks

He seemed shocked at first and then smiled warmly to me.

"I do like you. But I like you for a lot of unexplainable reasons. I like you for you. I like the things that you do and the things that you made me feel. I just know that I have you in my heart. I do even love you. I'm not rushing you into things, you know that but what I am meaning to say is that I like you because that is how I feel towards you. I do not care if you'll be ugly tomorrow, or if you will gain weight or you will go insane. I just love you for who you are and who you will be."

After he said those things, I hugged him tightly with some tears falling from my eyes. I never felt so valued, I never felt so loved before. It just warms me. Its a good feeling.

"I- I like you too" I confessed still hugging him.

"Really?! Thank you so much. I'll do my best to make you happy and smile" He replied full of happiness in his voice

This feels so good. I never knew love could feel like this.

"But I want to tell you some things first" i said

He just hummed and continue to hug me.

"There's also someone who's bugging in my head. I met him after I saw Zylak, He also confessed to me amd wanted a relationship at me. But I feel so scared about having a relationship with someone. I never thought I could be with someone. Not until you tho. I never saw him after that. But sometimes I missed him and think about him. What if I did accept him back then will I be happy like how I feel now? What if I just became brave and took a step that day. Am I still happy now? I know this is all useless stuff but it's bugging my thoughts and I realized that it isn't me who wants to be alone, I'm just scared being hurt and left alone again like in the past. It's not that I don't believe in love. I just believed that love is not for me, and no one would love me" I cried in his shoulders

I like Zeev, that is what I realized. It's just unfortunate that I'm still a coward back then. And I hurt him.

"No my dear, don't say that to your self. You are just hurt and alone. You guarded your heart. And those things are not useless those are your battles. You are a warrior. You are strong and brave. You opened your heart to me which is the bravest thing you did. Not everyone is as brave as you. To the guy you liked well maybe that time was not the right time for you. But he just proved to you that you are a lovable person and deserved to be loved and cared for. And it's fine for me if you like someone back then or if you still got him some place in your heart it is fine. We all have this person who we holds in a special part of our hearts. Like me I hold someone in my hearts , a memory of someone who I loved back then and I still placed him somewhere in my heart but dear I give my heart to you and it belongs to you now and someday I hope I could hold your love to me as well. Again no rush let's have our own pace " Esme kissed my forehead after he said it.

What did I do to feel this. How did I deserved this? I'm thankful for this.

"Thank you" I then hold his face and kiss his lips.

Mom, do you see me now? I'm happy and my heart is warm.

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